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Words and Actions

2011-02-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

I sincerely hope that the people i intended to write this for will read this post and think - wisely. For I am sick and tired of the gestures and verbal skills of human beings sometimes. Especially those who think that money and power are everything.

To start off, i have a question. Who do you think you are? I truly believe that every human has the right to live as they will, to have their own freedom and to contemplate life as they see fit. God gave us free will to live our lives as we please, and He is God. Other people do not rule or interfere with a person's personal life, or how they live it with their own family. So what rights do you have to tell us what to do, how to live our lives, and do what you see fit to us?

Well. You are truly misled, my dear madame. You are merely a person, succumbed into fake wealthiness and popularity in a small town that has no significant spot on Earth, and surrounded by your own puppets as you pull the strings along in your pretentious flamboyant life - your own staged show. Even i am able to tell just by looking that your puppets may turn on you someday and they will over take you in where you once shine, and you will be left with nothing in the end. But. I am here not to safe you, but hopefully to correct your misdoings to us and perhaps to forgive you and your family.

Self righteousness will only lead you no where. You think you are right, but you can only see into your own mind and do what you think is right. You do not know what goes on inside the mind of others and assume about everything else. You teach others to hate, to condemn and you have brainwashed them so successfully that i have to praise you for your abilities to deceit others. You say things which are not true, and you are the perfect actress. All of you. You play a superior role when we are around with other people, but when we are not, you fall back to your real self and play ignorant. Frankly, is it not hard to play different roles adapting to situations and crowds? Why can't you be yourself since the very beginning? It would make things so much easier. Do you really cannot bear to look at yourself if you were the real you?

And your words and physical actions... My, my. If it was me, i would have positioned myself lower than a pond scum. Who would use violence to ignite a yelling session and acts like the lady of a pack of thick goons? Really, is that how a person should behave? An adult, nonetheless. And only a couple years ago your beloved darling had just threatened to physically abuse me. And i have retorted the same way as what i am doing now. Is that how anyone should behave? Walk around hitting and yelling at people like a bunch of low lives? Why do you all speak and act like a family of gangsters, waiting to pounce on people who did no wrong? That's called bullying and it's horrendously horrible. You, of all people, should know the consequences of bad actions. But then again, i guess you didn't know. After all, you aren't really who you said you are.

You love fame and money, and you love your 'face' more than anything else. But i'll give you this. Those things mean nothing if you pretend, and more if you can't live up to it. I pity you, i sympathies you. You and your family. For you all don't understand the true meaning of being just, of being a normal person. You think you are right but you are wrong. And your so-called friends are only pulling you down together with them as i watch you all compete and back stab each other. You say you are true to your friends? I say that is bullshit. You treat them nice because they are of benefit to you. But those who doesn't do any good to you, you use them and drain them dry like a leech and then find ways to control them. I tell you truly, change, before you get sucked into the whirlpool of the materialistic world and could not pull yourself up. I am only trying to help you by writing here and open your eyes to you mistakes. If you do not admit it, fine. At least people will know and be wary of you.

You may be able to latch your control over those whom i love, but remember that you can have no hold over me. I am myself. Once again i say, i do what i want and i shall say what i want. You can never, never bother me. If you strike, remember that i am younger than you and i have nothing to lose, and i will only strike back harder. I have a life laid out before me while you have spent most of yours building your fake identity. You can never touch me, nor my family. You can never do anything to us. We abjure you. We hear you no longer, we speak to you no longer. We do this not out of hatred, but out of pure forgiveness and to let ourselves stay out of the trouble that you've caused.

I hold no grudges. We hold no grudges. Therefore, i am writing this all down now to let my mind have a peace of its own. I have held this in for too long, and it is time to let go of the past that once bothered us and move on towards our future with heads held high. You did us wrong, yet we forgive you. This shows a difference on the respectable level of a human. Jealousy, betrayal, pretense... That is all you. So now we all know, who is really in the right, and who is in the wrong. But i hold no grudges, i hold no grudges. I make myself forgive and forget, and i have done enough for you.

This song is for you.

Ignorance is your new best friend...

Love, Jocelyn Wong Lixian

Ups and Downs

2010-12-29T09:42:00.000-08:00

I started with the title ups and downs because there are loads of ups and downs in life. I would know, because i'm human. I go through that. I've been through that and i'm going through that. I'm a teenager. I'm 16. I'm living life as it is. I'm not embarrassed about admitting i've hit dead on on brick walls and i've been hurt tons of times, and i'm certainly not gonna lie about it. They're life experiences. Whether it's good or bad, they're my experiences. But one thing that has always been my consolation, is that i know God's been with me since day one. He gives and takes, and i believe He would want what's best for me, for all of us. I've been through some shitty days and shitty moments, but i believe that is the way He provides better things for us. I would know, because He's shown me that.

I guess now's a good time to write. I'm sober. It's 1:56AM and 2010's nearly gone. And to think i'm just starting to get use to this year. I don't wanna miss spending these last days where i'm free doing nothing. I wanna feel like i'm up there, in my own world, doing what i like best or do best, before going back to reality a.k.a going back behind bars. It would be a little suffocating for me next year, i know, but i'm gonna go through it, like everything else i've done. Next year today, imma load back this post and imma say, hey, spm's over for me. I'm free again. I'm free to do whatever i want. So i guess this is a goodbye post for me freedom for the year 2011, among many other things as well.

2010 has been one hell of a year for me. I have the most experience this year! I'm truly living in the year 2010. I've had winning moments, i've had disappointing moments, i've felt things i've never felt before in the past this year, and i've gained and lost so many this year. I've met friends who has gone and came back, i lost friends who were here and are going to live their future else where. I gained and lost weight. I gained phones and lost them to thieves and toilet bowls. I loved and unloved. I crushed and un-crushed. I drove a car (drove it in the middle of the road like i owned it), I rode a motorcycle (almost crashed into a tree), I tried smoking and hated it and i would never touch it again. I lost two cats. I inherited a huge dog named Krooger. I made and lost friends. I passed and failed at my exams. I'm listening to chinese songs now where last time i couldn't be bothered with them. I write chinese lyrics now where last time i wouldn't even think of writing them. These are all my life experiences... No matter good or bad, i would keep them close to my heart and live my life with them in my mind. And i would definitely learn from my mistakes.

I know i know, i'm sounding all cosmic now and so not fun. But believe me, when you're truly thinking and not fooling around at this age - teenager age, and staying sober - you would realize you're thinking deep. Not deep philosophy-ish. But just, feeling your thoughts you know. You really think where you usually don't. You stay still for a while and reflect on what you did. I know many of you out there don't do this, and you might think i'm a weirdo who think too much. But hey, if this gets me back on track in life, i'm not about to keep this 'method' to myself and not share, unlike some selfish fcktards who think only about themselves. I'm breaking some rules here by cussing. But i don't care. Cause you know what? 2010's gonna end. And imma do anything crazy if i can. Cause the impression of the year 2011 gave me is a tough one, so imma do all i can that is fun now. While i still can.

And then there's this huge news where i'm pretty upset about. Huge to me, cause i am a huge fan of them. At least, i was. But, i dunno what to think now! I dunno which side is the right one. I dunno who to believe. This is a pretty big issue in my life considering i have loved them since 2007. Sigh. I guess this is life, and i'm just starting to taste it. Josh and Zach Farro from Paramore has left the band. Yes, the awesome lead guitarist/songwriter/back-up vocalist and the awesome-est drummer there is have just left Paramore. I am too upset to say anything! I felt like a part of me has been torn away. Seriously dudes. The first time i saw this announcement, i was in tears. I was thinking, either April Fool has come early, or i was dreaming. I pinched myself literally, and it friggin hurts! So i was not dreaming. So that means this thing is real! This announcement is real! As i read Hayley's part of the statement, i realize its a light draft for us fans to know. Then i went online to check, and i saw Josh's blog. That was when i read his mind. I really felt what he felt all the while he was in the band. And i felt sorry for him and Zach. I mean, i understand how they felt being left aside and not viewed as important as Hayley. But as i went on searching, i also looked up Hayley's profile in wikipedia. What Josh said was true, but it was also stated there already, just not as detailed. So i kinda felt a little more neutral now. Things happen in life. Sometimes it's a little unfair, but it's better than nothing. So now my thoughts are: if Hayley, Jeremy and Taylor continue to make good music, i would totally support them to the max. I mean, i love Hayley's character. She's bubbly, she's down to earth. And she's great with the crowd. Like peanut butter and jam. At least, that's how she portrays in interviews and shows. But even if she's faking it, there would still be part of her that is how she portrays, or she wouldn't be able to keep it up for so long and for so many years. Not even with practices. So yeah. I'm still a Paramore fan. No worries there. I just can't bear to listen to them these past few days knowing Josh and Zach left. It's a little weird, and friggin sad.

And then there's Offside Traps! whom i love so darn much! Just so you know, Offside Traps! is a band which i am very dedicated in. I love them boys so much! Thank you Zariq, Danny, Firdaus, Hassan and Ezekial for giving me the honour to play with you guys and being my best music mates! Wouldn't have hit the stage without you guys. You guys ruled too hard! We do awesome music together (if i do say so myself)! And thank you Lee, for letting us play in your prom. You did awesome bud! (:

So that's all for now. I'm dead tired, but i'm not gonna sleep too soon. Will post more soon. I promise. Pinky swear.

Lots of love, Jocelyn

This is It.

2010-12-08T21:54:00.000-08:00

Well, dudes and chicks out there. This is it. The final day where i prepare mentally and physically for my big exams tomorrow. ExamS.

To say that i am well prepared... would be an over-statement.

I am not ready, at all. I don't even know why i'm here rather that sit in front of the piano (which is only a meter away from me) practicing. Or the violin. I mean, it's so easy to shut down this laptop right now and just get my butt over the piano chair and start playing my exam songs. But nooooo, i have to sit here, writing in my blog (wasting my time). And i don't feel so good having to sit here after only 30 minutes of my lunch. I'm used to standing after a meal for about an hour (to not let the food go straight down to my butt and making it look mega sized. I really need to hit the gym tomorrow right after my exams). But i'm too anxious now! I need to write! Writing calms my nerves and sorts things out for me in my head where thoughts could be a war zone up there! Can you blame me?! My exams' tomorrow!

I need my green tea.

Guess i really have loads of faith in God. Which is a good thing, to have full faith in Him. Then He'll bestow me some miracles during my exam. Make the examiner faint, perhaps? Prolly because of my horrendous playing. Then i'll get to write my own marks and everything and i'll get good results! Yes, maybe that'll happen! Gosh, i'm insane.

I think the only reason i'll be able to scrape through this exam is because of my ability to "cover up my mistakes" (my piano teacher's words), which, in other words, is called "cheating" (my violin teacher's words). Really, both of them said that, which is the same thing. I'm such a failure as a student.

And now my sister has to put more guilt in me by practicing the piano perfectly only a meter away from me. She doesn't know she's making me guilty, i'm just feelin' it. But it'll prolly make her day if she knew.

To tell you the truth, i'm not scared. At all. Not for the exam, not at the thought of having the exam in less than 24 hours. It's like PMR all over again. But this is a tad bit more important. I just want to pass right and get the results to apply scholarships to wherever i can. I guess this is important. Really important, for me. But i'll just have to stay calm and be steady about it. I don't do things well when i'm nervous. I should know. I'm me. I understand myself (though sometimes i don't when i'm confuse/high/hyped up and so on). But then again, i don't get nervous or frightened for these kinda things easily. I prefer playing my songs in front of a stranger and pretend he/she has never heard the song before and just do my thing. Then i can really do it well. With mistakes and all. But i'll prolly be able to cover them all up. In front of a stranger.

Gosh, i'll need to do sit-ups tonight. Feeling bloated. Not a very good sign.

And one more thing. DESIREE EVELYN SANTA MARIA YOU'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! SPM's over for you! And it'll be over for me as well tomorrow (I mean my piano & violin exams. Not SPM. That'll have to wait until next year this time. Shit)!! Let's hang!!!

We were online the other day and we made plans to do loads of stuffs when we are both available. And tomorrow's it! After my exams, of course. Shite, i keep repeating them like i need any more reminding. Sheesh. I've got to get dresses for the up coming parties/prom. And shoes! And accessories! And make-ups! Yes! Definitely make-ups! I'm a make-up freak!

OH shut up. I'm still a girl. I can do girly things too sometimes. And i happen to love make-up. So sue me.

I promised myself i would write whatever i feel like writing in here and end it at 2:30pm, which was half an hour ago, and start practicing. So i'm over due! Gotta go, lads and lassies. Got a date with the piano and violin. Till next time then, i guess.

Lots of love, Jo

Writing once again.

2010-12-06T01:55:00.000-08:00

Hello there.

I am now listening to my 5-year-old brother-who-is-going-to-be-six-in-five-months'-time squeaking the highest E note on the piano - and he can actually do it, mind you - while i am trying to reconcile/save my blog from utter desertion from it's writer. Namely, me.

I do not know why i chose this time to write again. Well, maybe i do (thanks to May Zhee's writing after i read hers), but i simply do not have the time to write anything but those bloody program notes - which i'm supposed to be doing, like, right now, or i'm screwed, badly. In case you don't know what that is (i'm sure you don't unless you're taking or have taken the Trinity ATCL or LTCL piano & violin examinations), it is part of the exam and you have to write about the pieces you are playing for the examiner. Long and tedious work, but it involves writing, so you may say it is quite pleasant. For me, that is. Like i said, i enjoy writing and editing. A hobby which i inherited from none of my parents, since they don't even like reading, much more writing (a thing they always wonder and asks me, like i would know as their daughter. I should be the one asking them).

So after such a bloody long time, you may wonder where i have gone/disappeared to. Or maybe you don't. I don't really care, i'm just gonna tell you anyway, if you're reading this, which you obviously are if you're reading this.

I have been friggin' busy preparing for my ultimate exams for both my violin and piano (a good excuse for not writing, but still an excuse nevertheless *slaps myself*).

It is tough work with all the practicing and all, and i don't particularly like it. It's not that i don't enjoy music (are you kidding me?! I friggin love music and i am planning to do that as my future career!), no, but it's kinda boring doing classical stuff when i'm wholly exposed to the world of pop/R&B/rock music. It's sort of like... hmm, let's see. It's sort of like reading your school textbooks when you know there are other better and more brilliant novels out there where you enjoy more, and you clearly know that textbooks are your foundation for your education in your school life so you are forced to complete your studies and get good foundation to do whatever you want to do in life. There. I dunno if i made any sense at all. But. It's something like that. But of course, classical music is always better than school textbooks. No comparison there. Gee. Not even compatible. But it's just an example and a picture of how it is. So, you get the idea. Boring, but very useful. Not that textbooks are useful for me, since i ain't gonna be a doctor/engineer/scientist or whatsoever, but you understand. I assume you would understand.

Four more days till the big day. Big day = Exam day. I have to pass my exams. I just got to. I have to! It's compulsory. I want to go to Berklee with full scholarship so badly i would die for it. Really.

Sheesh, no pressure there.

And until then, i shall stay at home like a good little 16-year-old-teenage-girl-who-is-turning-17-in-three-months'-time(OLD! but get to drive around. YES!) and practice as hard as i possible can. Which is saying something, really, since i don't practice much at all last time. SIGH.

I feel like i'm getting more longwind-ish now (like old people kind of long wind). Maybe it's because i haven't written anything in a long time. Yea, that should be it. It is it. *comforting myself about getting older by the second*

I'm not trying to cramp everything in one post after not having to write for so long, but i really have to share this person with y'all out there now (who doesn't know who Charlie McDonnell is). Charlie McDonnell, otherwise known as charlieissocoollike in his youtube channel, is an online vlogger, blogger and musician (he plays the ukulele, the harmonica, the guitar and he sings). He is funny as hell and is insanely creative. And he sets great examples too, for teenagers like you and me. He uses his time awesomely by creating crazy vlogs in youtube instead of vandalizing the society with his friends, which he possibly could, come to think of it (as an example). And look at where he is now! He earns money from youtube (as a job!), he is one of the top subscribers in the UK, he gives lectures to other people about his channel (he's only 20 for goodness's sake!), he gets invitations to coolio places like where they make Toy Story & Finding Nemo cartoons, and he gets to fly to the states for ComicCon and so on! If that ain't enough for a 20-year-old teenager (who some of you don't even know what you are going to do yet), i dunno what is.

This is one of his videos that i cannot stop watching, among 112 of his other videos.

And not to mention, as a teenage female audience and viewer, he is considerably quite cute in our book of boys (: And he talks really fast. Like, really fast. Which made him all the more cuter/hilarious!

I think he is better than the Peter Chow bullshit that people are watching nowadays. Hey, just spilling out my opinions. At least Charlie is doing/talking about something good/useful/entertaining (he does charity!) and doesn't talk like a retard. If you think what Peter Chow does is entertaining, then you have a weird sense of what entertainment should be. And that is my opinion of you.

Do watch Charlie's videos. It'll be fun. I promise, nobody's paying me to promote his videos. I genuinely adore him.

That is all for now. I shall have to visit the gym and prolly practice summore when i get home. BTW, i drove a car yesterday. Bloody scary, but super fun! Yeah, it's just a small car, a mini minor only in fact, but it's so darn cool already. Not to brag, but it's quite simple as well. Driving. Hopefully it helps when i'm getting my license next year.

xoxo, Jo

Effin. Long. Time. Ago.

2010-06-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

Alright. I know i haven't been updating much, i know, but here goes.

First, i'd like to APOLOGIZE. For not writing as often as i do LAST time. But hey, people change and they tend to get a tad bit too busy. I'm one of 'em, sad to say.

Then, i'd like to announce that I REALLY NEED THOSE PASSES FOR MTV WORLDSTAGE 2010. As you know, Bunkface is playing during the worldstage and i <333>

And third, it's 3.48am and i'd like to sleep. But alas, i can't. 'Cause of the whole worldstage passes thing. It's makin' me staying up later than usual. During the hols' usual, that is.

Alright, a short summary about what's going on in my life recently. (A summary's short. Why did i put another short there? Geez...)

I am officially 16 now. No, not literally now. But you get my drift. A very SWEET age. Can you feel my sarcasm? I bet you do. There'll be more sarcasm later on, depending on the mood i am in now and the time. It's late, i'm sleepy. You know how people are when they're sleepy.

Countdown: 17 minutes to the next giveaway.

What the hell. I can't freakin' wait. *anxious*

Back to my topic. I'm 16, not a very good age. Proves that i'm old. Yep, old. Read my lips/ words/ letters, O-L-D. But there's one thing good about it though, i can drive NEXT year. This is called positive thinking, people. You know, about the cup being half full instead of half empty thing. I dunno what i'm crappin' about =)

Anyways, 16... on the year 2010. This year has been a very exciting year for me. Loads of things happenin', made loads of friends, and studying a whole new alien thing.

Seriously, i don't know why i took science stream. Oh yeah, my smart-arse of a school doesn't have arts stream anymore. Thank you, Alor Akar, for ruining my life. But i appreciate you giving me my friends, and to skip classes with me sometimes. Teehee~~

Countdown: 13 minutes to the next giveaway.

And, yea. I made loads of new friends, as well as caught up with the old ones. I <3>

I've finished most of my major exams. MUSIC exams are what i would call MAJOR exams. I don't treat school exams as major. 'Cause they're not what i'm using to as my career in the near future. I don't wanna sit in an office doing paper work all day with air conditioning as my companion, nor do i want to be staring at blood 24/7. I'd die, like really soon, if i have to do those things. I wanna travel, see the world. But before that, i'd need my music career. I <3>

Nyways, i tend to sidetrack. So forgive me. I finished my grade 8 theory and i passed. Thank GOD! I'm done with my yamaha Grade 5 teacher's grade performing. Thank God also. And i'm done with my Dip diploma. So am waiting for my results. I'm more nervous for these results than i am for my midterm. Bah. Who cares about school midterm =D

So i think i've concluded my life for the past three months. Owh, watched the Killers. Ashton Kutcher = hawt!! Okay, i need to shaddap now before i go insane.

Yes, i'm a Bunker, and so darn proud of it =)

Bunkface, you know you have my heart <3

With loads of love, Jo.

xoxo

Bad, Really Really Bad

2010-01-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

This is the 23rd of January.

See how i've been abusing my blog? Yes, for leaving it empty for TWO WHOLE MONTHS!!! Poeple may say that i've been lazy for not updating as often as i used to. Well, to tell you frankly, i've been too lazy, and too distracted.

First of all, you may ask why the inspiration to blog all of a sudden after two freakin' months? Hmm, then i'll answer you this. It's because i want to, and everything just happened. Not a very good explanation/ excuse, i know, but still. I am blogging now, aren't i?

There's loads of stuffs i might want to share, and might not want to share. But there's something important that i feel i must speak out. Something that every 15-year-olds have to go through, if you're living in Malaysia and studying in government school, of course. Yes, it's the PMR. I forgot what it stood for, but i'm not gonna bother bout it anyway. It's way past me. But i do feel oblige to speak/ type about it here.

I have 4As and 4Bs for my results.

Considering i had never paid much effort in it, no matter how much help from my teacher, i think i did okay. But there's a consolation for me too in this result. In my three years of lower form, i had never once got my results without a C, and so many As. Therefore, i'm actually quite happy about it. And to think i never studied to get through the exam, makes me feel even better. But of course, i thank my ever caring teacher for everything i've achieved today. She has helped me loads and without her, i don't think i would even be here.

And then, moving on. I have a new phone and a new lappy. I love my current phone till death. Though it may not be expensive as my last phone, and not as beautiful as my last phone, it has served me well by being a Nokia phone and by being priced at RM600++. I love it. It is sleek, silver and with only on face, and not sliding or flipping and stuffs. And then there is also my new lappy. Yes, my own. I love it till death and there are no other i would like to thank for my gifts except for my beloved parents.

And now, my life. Life has been life, for me. School, tuitions, homework, friends, family and among all other things. It has been busy and sometimes, there are bumps here and there. But you know something? I'm happy living my life. I had never felt this way in a long long time, not even during the holidays. My school has been nice, my classmates are horrendous/ smart/ stupid/ awesome/ great!!! Tuitions are driving me mad, as usual, and music/ writing are fine. And then i also learned a lesson of missing and worrying, then to appreciate even more. I love how i feel right now. I am happy right now. And i intend to keep everything this way, to feel this way. I am happy, and so you must too.

~Jocelyn

Lots to talk about

2009-11-08T06:56:00.001-08:00

As i said, there are loads to talk about.

I am feelin' mighty confused and i do not like feelin' like this. Nope, not about relationships and boys and girls and stuffs. Nah, that is, like, so stupid, talkin' about it here. Seriously. But more of like friendship and stuff.

Be warned, though. I might get a little cosmic on you in this post.

Not intentionally, remember.

Anyways, I'm gonna start with this friend. Let's call this friend Friend A. For short, FA. Fa. Cool. Okay, anyways, I've known Fa since i was young. Real young. Maybe about, like, when i was 4? Yeah, I'm not gonna tell you how i knew Fa, or where i knew Fa, but it has something to do with music ;) Nyways, as i grew up, we grew apart, until i reached my teenage years. Then we grew kinda close, i guess? I mean, we've always knew each other since young, and we've never really lost contact all these times. We see each other in school, but we've never talked. It was a long time ago. We still chat online occasionally, sometimes. There was this time when we've gotten like, real close, but i was reluctant to push what we had into something huge. So there went a big fat nothing. We grew apart again. And then there was this time, recently, when we grew close again. A bit too close, perhaps. When it was dark. There was never a thing going on, and never will. I assure you. But just knowing things about my friend that I've known for so freakin' long is kinda nerve wrecking and a lot to take in, for me. I didn't know Fa was so complicated - until now. More complicated and messy than even i expect Fa to be. I dunno, i guess it was ignorance on my part? Call it that, i don't know, i don't care. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But i was never a good observer. I should've known better, i guess. I've always seen Fa as a naive and innocent and harmless kid. Maybe i was wrong. I dunno. My head hurts just thinking about it. Every single time. I just didn't know Fa grew up to be a different and more complicated person that i expected. I guess i never really knew Fa at all after all. And i don't intend to dwell on Fa's matter anymore. Though i love Fa till death as a friend, it is too complicated, and hurtin'.

Well, that was a long one. Another long one is yet to come in the next paragraph.

And then there was this other friend. Let's call this friend Friend B. FB. Argh, can't pronounce it like FA. Nyways, FB... I knew FB since forever. We were very close, we were best friends, we were almost siblings. I loved FB like i loved my other besties. FB was one of my bestest best friends, and i used to categorize FB as one of my best friends in books and stuffs. I loved FB. We used to have each other's backs and we look out for each other, i think, as often as we can. Well, at least, i did. I looked out for FB's back. With or without FB knowing. As i said, FB was my best friend since my childhood. There was never a party that i went without FB there, unless it was someone FB and FB's parents didn't know. There was never a party that i have without FB attending , unless FB was unfortunately out of town or went overseas. Like i said, I loved FB as my bestest besty. But deep down, in my heart, I've always known that this couldn't last. We were growing up, and we were growing apart. We begin to know different friends, go to different places. We went to different schools. But still, i was loyal. I kept FB as my best friend. I was still loyal. I never meant no one no hurtin'. Never ever. We begin mixing with different friends, and things... changed. Material became a must. Luxurious became the ultimate importance. Fame, status, name, riches... It all suddenly became huge. I have no idea why. I was just minding my own business, doing my own things that i love, until i got the sting of it. By then it was too late. We were completely different. I did not do anything bad. My writing is the reflection of who i was, who i am, and who i am going to be. Why should anybody care? The sting of getting stepped on by FB to climb to the top was almost unbearable. Maybe i shouldn't call it a sting. Instead, i should be calling it a burn. A fire. That would be more appropriate. I don't care who's reading this. Just know that this is what i truly thought, and i was hurt by someone i loved as a close friend. I am not ashamed to admit that i was hurt, that I've been hurt. I need people to realize that even the closest amongst friends can betray and back stab you in a matter of seconds. I guess this is just the world we're living in today. Sad, isn't it? The only person who we can truly trust is ourselves, and sometimes we even lie to ourselves too.

Friends, yes, we need them. We lavish them with love and trust as often as we can, as often as we could. I am just 15, and already i learn to be careful of the people around me who i treated as friends. I find it very cruel and grieving. Humans can be deceiving and cruel to even those they love. Cases of siblings killing each other happen more often than not. I have nothing else to say other than 'be careful'.

Many people may think that i am an easy going person/ nut-case and hung out with loads of people. No, i ain't braggin', but that's what i heard about meself. Well, to tell you the truth. I love meeting new people, despite of being cautious and all. I love makin' friends with other people and get to know them. Nah, i ain't nosy. I'm just friendly. I think. Gee. -.- Anyway, in spite of havin' a whole bunch of friends, I'm sad to say i don't have many 'real' friends. I have, but not many. I mean, friends that call me up anytime of the day just to hang out and talk. Nope, not in school. School friends' topics are just prep talks and we just talk for the sake of talkin'. But i don't mind. I love my school friends, even if it isn't vice versa. I mean, we're gonna see each other for how long more? 2 years? Then we'll be leavin'. So yeah, i appreciate them. But the point is, i don't fit it. Seriously, i don't. I can hang out with different kinds of people and they don't mind, and yet, i don't seem to fit in with them. Is it because I'm weird? Hmm, yeah, probably. I think I'm weird too meself. I'm just standing on the sidelines of everyone's lives and occasionally steppin' in and takin' a peek. Nothing more.

Sheesh, I'm crappin.

Okay. I am done being a wimp and complaining and complaining. Nah, i ain't complaining. Just stressing it all out. I can't wait when my friends come back!! I wanna hang out all day with them and tell them so much stuffs. Yes, MUCH. My stuffs are uncountable. Unless i forgot what i wanted to say, which happens most of the time. I wanna do so much stuffs. I wanna be so many people i wish to be. I have so many things to do and yet so little things to finish...

I must be getting sleepy. It's 12 30am, and I'm dying.

~ Jocelyn

2009-11-06T01:13:00.000-08:00

It's raining.

Yes, it's freakin' raining.

And it's about time i blog.

Well, not much had happened, if you don't count me going to a Halloween party (organized by ISK) and celebrating my mum's birthday.

Oh yea. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!

I'm going to make this post one of my shortest post ever, so i'm gonna sign off here. Fast.

~ Jocelyn

Hyper Jumper?

2009-10-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

Again, I'll start off with i don't know why i put that title opening. The name's stupid. It's random, it's weird, and it has nothing to do with what I'm writing/ typing about. -.- This is not a good thing. I seemed to be doing loads of things i don't know of recently.

But, thank goodness, it sounds cool. At least, i think it does.

Hyper Jumper...

Hmm.

Listening: Stolen - Dashboard Confession

Uh.

Nah.

Probably it's because of the fact that I've watched Pandorum today (weird name). It kinda influenced my title naming today, so yeah. An awesome movie by the way, i might say, for a trainee/ junior thriller movie watcher. Gee. I don't sound good.

Listening: The Middle - Jimmy Eat World.

Anyway, as i was saying, Pandorum is an awesome movie. I love Ben Foster. He's a kickass actor, and i have full respect for him. Straight to the point? I adore him. Really, i do. Many of you might not know him like this, but if i tell you something, you'll know him for sure - unless you live on an isolated place where there are no TVs and computers and Internet and X-Men movies. The dude is the one who acted as Angel in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yes, he's gorgeous. Yes, i adore him (I've said that twice. Get it through your thick head lol). So, the result is, i love Pandorum, and nothing anyone say will change that.

You might come to ask - how come I've watched it? Well, there's a chance that you may not ask because anyone can watch a movie any day, so I'll tell you myself and assumed that you did ask (man, do i sound cocky!). It was actually a snap decision. I was in church like a good little church gal (there i go again with my freakin' church gal description), mindin' my own business (there's only two businesses you can do in church and that is attend mass or go to Sunday class. I did both, so yeah) and then i saw those two guys who aren't sitting for exams these few weeks. Nope. Not for any exams. I was a dense kid. I mean, i was talking to them and then - and then -

And then i became a smartass (temporarily) and a light flickered on in my head with a click and i was like, hey, these two dudes are available! Let's go watch a damned movie!

Yes, mates, you've guessed it (no, you didn't)! They are no other than Rainier and John - from ISK. Yes, the international school from here (here is the town of Kuantan in the state of Pahang in the country of Malaysia). I invited them (since i knew the time for the movie). I checked up the time and everything the night before, so i knew. I was supposed to watch this film with Jason and Carl, but Carl couldn't make it because of his SPM coming *scoffs*, and it was weird two people watching it together (a human male and a human female who were just friends), so we cancelled it. And then a miracle happened in church and the light thing came on and so, the three of us decided to watch it.

As usual, i was the only female.

It's not like i want to be the only female in the crowd. I mean, who does? We stand out. We freakin' stand out. I mean the-only-girl-in-the-crowd girls. It's not good for people to stare and make stupid assumptions in their own brains. In fact, the limelight is a very distracting thing, if not suspicious. Who knows what people thinks? I don't especially care, but after some unfortunate incidents that caused me and my family some stupid lame problems (ones that we're never gonna care about ever again anyway), i felt the need and the right to know what people think about me, in some crude manner. I don't want any trouble, so yeah.

Apparently i don't know what I'm talking about, so I'll be skippin' this part.

So the three of us bought the tickets and grabbed a quick lunch (McD), which reminds me, i haven't paid John back yet! Shite. Not good. I'm gonna pay him back next Sunday when i see him in church. So, back to my tale. We ate, and then watched the freakin' movie. Again, it was nice. It is nice. I loved it, and i love it. Here's some pictures. Some. And i say some 'cause i don't wanna be the spoiler for you.

Yes, there's a girl in there. She's pretty - pretty dangerous.

Apparently, the movie poster doesn't seem to mean anything. But this is a girl, anyway. I mean, dude! Check out her boobs down there! The picture is a girl! Plus, this thing you assumed was a dude has a curving waistline only a gal has!

Oooh, i love this part. My hands were covering my face here but there were gaps between my fingers, so I'm doing okay.

Listening: Turn It Off (acoustic) - Paramore

Yes, my dear friends. I'm happy to say that i was surprised as well. Cam Gigandet was in here! Yes, i adore him as well.

I adore him very much, if i do say so.

Too bad he has a girlfriend - and a daughter. They're a sweet couple, they are. They're a nice family.

So, after the movie (we were pretty jumped, by then), i had to go straight home. My mum was already in ground floor waiting and i had to go for an orchestra practice (I'll get to that later). On the way out, guess who i met? Yup, you guessed it again (you did not). Carl. He was in his dad's shop, and in front of him was a laptop and a cup of Oreo ice-cream. I butted in and saw pictures in it (his laptop) and butted out. I dunno why i went there but i just did. LOL. One word though.

Kantoi...

But it was all for good fun. I met Kenny there too, walking into Carl's dad's shop. Gee, loads of apostrophes. I blinked in and blinked out in a blink of an eye and seconds later i was in my mum's cars, strolling away.

It was a fun day.

And then i went to Khoo Academy for orchestra practice for the first time in over 3 years of never stepping foot in there. I gotta admit, it felt good. Real good. Literally. Loads of new people, i met. Kelvin was there, like he promised. And then again, a lot of 'old' people i met there were playing other instruments instead of their first instruments. That was a surprise - and a good one. Loads more instruments like drums, trombones (was it trombone? I couldn't remember, short term memory lost), keyboard and the piano were brought into the orchestra too. I love the people there, and i hope nothing bad will come out of it.

After practise, i went for golf.

It was really bad today. Practise was bad. My iron shots were good, but i can't say the same for my wood shots. My driver totally sucked. If you knew about golf, you would know what I'm talking about and not the real life driver, 'cause that would be my mum. -.- No, i love her, rest assured. But my golf practise today is so off, i promise i would have kicked myself in the butt if i could (i won't). So, we'll hope for the best in tomorrow (I'm meeting Shar Min there, teehee!). I know that things won't always go the right way you wanted them to go sometimes, and all it's gonna take to make it right again is time.

I just made the sentence up myself, but i think i was makin' sense.

At least, to myself.

Anyway, i gotta go. My sis is dozing off, waiting to use the computer and it's 12 19am now (she wants to watch videos with it in Youtube, so shhhhh).

TTFN

~Jocelyn

My Amazin' Time

2009-10-23T09:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know why i put that title, but that was the first thing that came to my mind.

Honestly, i should be writing. Writing, yes. No, not this. Not the blog. I meant another writing stuff of mine.

Gee, even i don't know what I'm crapping about. -.-

But you can't really blame me. It's 12 25am at night/ morning. I should be tucked in bed like a good little church gal and await anxiously for the morn of morrow with bright spirits and embracing the thought of something amazing would be happenin'. I don't know why i address myself as a good little church gal all the freakin' time, and i don't know why i talk like that. Sorry, screw that. Type like that, would be much more apt. I guess it's really the time, and the song I'm listening to right now. Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer. I guess I'm waiting on the world to change?

Nah.

Now, it's Not Tonight - Tegan and Sara.

Definitely not tonight.

I like them, the Canadian twins. Really, i do. I even follow them on Twitter.

Tell you something. I'm bored. I'm really, really bored. Outta my butt bored. The proof of that? Well, i tend to want to blog all the time in a day and i twitted almost 17 tweets a day. Yes, the proof of my boredom. I dunno when it's gonna reach it's peak, but I'm sure it's a pretty soon thing.

I need to do something real, and it'd better be soon.

My body is hurtin' me. No thanks to me going to the driving range twice a day every single day. I haven't touch golf for a friggin' long time and i am very glad my touch is still there. I love golf, and i hope i may persevere much longer this time i started playing back again.

Apparently, when we're down and sleepin', the people in the States and near there are up and about. It's kinda weird actually seeing them up and about and greeting each other good morning while we're here greeting each other good freakin' night. Uh, i know. Weird, like i said.

Oh, wait. Now I'm listening to Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - GreenDay. I like listening to them. My iTunes is perfect - for me.

And now, presenting.... *drum roll (i can actually do that meself)*

.... this picture of myself.

In this picture - the sole picture and credits go to Jasher, my friend and my drum teacher! hah! - you can see that there's a girl holding a pair of drum sticks - no, not the one you eat - and hitting at the - wait, what was i trying to do at the time? Rolls? - and tryin' to do her thing. Nah, she ain't good at it. Nope, not good at all.

Just showing off her fringe.

-.-

Wait, listening to Careless Whisper - Seether. Apparently i want you to know what kind of songs i have in my iTune.

As i was sayin' before i got rudely interrupted by my hands/ brains - strike that.

Listening to Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold - Cobus Potgieter's drum version. That dude is simply awesome. Cobus, i mean.

Alright, here's a picture of him.

Cobus, i mean.

See, i told you he's awesome... Dude's even got his own DVD coming out. No, wait, already came out. Shipping during November.

This shows the greatness of Internet and Youtube.

Now, back to the main topic I've been meaning to talk about - type about - while I've also been side-tracking. Remember i told you I'm learning drums with a friend who's real good at it? Yeah, you might remember. The Friend. LOL. Well, i promised him i wouldn't write anything false, so here goes.

Jasher, you are an awesome drummer and you shouldn't deny that. You have taught me a whole bunch of stuffs and only on my second session, i already know how to hit/ play different beats - not to mention cross hands and almost the throw sticks thingie =) You are good and were real patient with me (real, real patient) and i owe you a bunch, mate. You're friggin' awesome as a teacher! Only 2 freakin' lesson and I'm in a pretty good shape as a beginner, if i do say so myself. Teehee! Plus, two hours is your whole month's fee last time. LOL. And i took 4 and a half hours! I should be paying you... uh, 75+75=150. I should be paying you at least RM 150... So i am real glad that you're willing to be my friend and teach me what you know. We should jam more often, dude. Today was fun! And, your magic tricks are wicked... You should have taught me that as well! LOL.

Listening to Why Won't You Die - System Of A Down.

So, after expressing my gratitude to an awesome friend/ mate/ teacher (sounds so old, lol), i feel much better. Hopefully when he reads this, he won't accuse me of lies. Because none of it were lies. I was being very, very honest. And i stayed up to tell him that. I wanted to post pictures of his cymbals here, but he wouldn't let me. He's afraid that someone would go to his house and steal his "object" babies. LMAO. His very expensive and nice babies, i might add. They sound so nice... Yes, anything on the net could happen... LOL. Jasher, don't be mad when you read this. I love your cymbals and i wish you would let me post them here! Or, i can just take a quick snap at them and you'll never know. The next thing you know, their image would be here. LOL.

Nah, i wouldn't be so evil. I'm a good person. At least, I'd like to think i am. No, i don't think i am.

Anyway, to sum it all up, i love the drumming/ jamming session and i wish it could happen soon and longer. I learned loads of stuff and the bonding between friends isn't harmful either. I hope Sue Xian and Nicole would be able to join us the next time. The sooner next time, i hope with all my heart.

Listening to Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's.

Busted's version of Year 3000 is better than the Jonas Brother's version. No kidding.

So, here it all ends. I shall blog soon, and i shall tweet even sooner. Apparently I'm becoming a twiiiiiiiiiiiter. -.- Not a very nice image i want for myself, but, whatever. I like who i am right now.

Babbling. Getting high with sleepiness. Gotta go real soon.

TTFN

Listening to I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance

~Jocelyn

Picture Zone

2009-10-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Well, currently, I'm just coolin' off at home. You know, stayin' up till late night and wakin' up late in the morning/ early noon. Nah, i ain't goin' to school no more. Nope, seriously, dude, you'd think i would go there and watch those movies/ waste my time? Uh, that would be a major no-no.

Reading Pendragon: The Pilgrims of Rayne. That book is hijacking all of my free time - well, most of it if I'm not sitting in front of here writing my stuff/ writing in my blog! I love it. I am officially in love with the Pendragon series - again!

Oh, I've finished Hunted, from The House of Night series. It's okay, if i do say so. I heard it was going to be made into a movie/ TV series, and i certainly hope so. Not because I'm crazily in love with the series, but because I'm anxious to see the characters come to life. For example, who will be Zoey, Stevie Rae, Aphrodite (lmao), Erik (yummy), Heath and so on. Get what i mean? I would like to see / know the casts.

Anyway, as oppose to the title for this entry, there are tons of pictures with me i would like to share. But mostly those pictures involve two gals who are crazily out of their heads - Lachelle, if you're reading this, i meant no offence, you know i don't, LMAO. Anyway, here it is.

Ta-da

-.-

Food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wearing my pj's during the web cam session. Gee.

This is in MS Garden. For those of you who don't know where it is - obviously if you don't know where it is then you're from out of town, so even if i explain it to you, you still wouldn't know where it is - MS Garden is a hotel which has a fancy restaurant, and it is right next to the mall.

Oh, just before i forget, i love deedlebag. I might have mentioned this once or twice, in the previous post... But anyways, i wanna say it again. I love deedlebag!

I like the fact that you can't see my eyes here. Muahahahaha *cough*

Okay, i gotta say, i adore my fringe. Is that how to spell fringe?

Now the pictures below are ancient. Well, strike that. These are not that ancient, considering that they were captured this year, mid of this year. Anyways, here they are. It's in ECM's Starbucks. ECM is a mall, by the way.

I think that's about it/ them. The pictures that i have with me, i mean. I gotta upload loads more from my camera but i couldn't seem to find the cable to connect it to my pc...

Anyway, I'm gonna blog more often nowadays thanks to my empty schedule. I dunno who's reading what i'm writing - maybe 1, 2, or none? - but i'm still gonna write anyway. I learn that sometimes, it's not good spreading the good news out to everyone when it's not confirmed yet. I learn that through the hard way and ended up getting my hopes crashed. But i'm gonna be smart now. I'm gonna keep them to myself and when the big thing finally drops, then i'm gonna speak about it - a little, if any. So toodles!

TTFN

~Jocelyn

Dead, Gone and Reborn

2009-10-20T03:42:00.000-07:00

Well. This is the longest gap between the last post and the present one that I've ever allowed - ever. It's not like i don't wanna write. I just... I have errands to run, little errands that require my constant presence. For example, i need to run baths for my little brother, i need to wash his poopies, i need to fax the phone thingies for my mum, i need to sleep, i need to prepare dinner for my dad, have dinner with him, i need to watch One Tree Hill season 6 - which, I'm proud to announce, I've finished - and i have many other tiny things to do! I am a very busy person. Yeah, i am.

To start with the tiniest thing of all - the ultimate exam of my lower secondary life. I have just finished my PMR and it is the most relieving thing to be experienced! I am totally free - this is the part where i say 'O du ljuva frihet' (forgive me if i have spelling mistakes), which means 'Oh sweet Freedom' in Swedish - and i can do whatever i want. Yes, it is awesome, the freedom, the feeling of floating away and the feeling of sleeping on the couch of my living room... Well, it's awesome anyway. Everything in my life seemed pretty awesome, as far as i can see. I'm not gonna talk about my exam, because it sucks and it will just lead me into an eternal mourning form.

I dunno what i'm talking about.

The next thing... I'm so happy to be talkin' about this!

PARAMORE'S BRAND NEW EYES IS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay yay yay!!!!!!!!!!!

I freakin' love Paramore and this album is the most significant thing they have ever done, if i do say so. The album is the prove of them growing up and have grown up into better musicians, better artists, a much more experience band and much better persons. It's the album of the year - from my point of view - and i have been waiting forever to listen to it. Well, i've been listening to it and every song is awesome. I'm so hooked up into the songs and i listen to them every single day. No kidding. Nope, not even remotely close to kidding. Since early of 2008, Paramore have been with me every single day of my life and i love them to death. I'm sure if i have to report a review of every song in the new album, you would be reading my blog for the rest of today and tomorrow. Every song is awesome. The list of my favourite songs from it:

Careful
Brick by Boring Brick
The Only Exception
Ignorance
Misguided Ghosts
Turn it Off
Where The Lines Overlap
All I Wanted
Playing God
Feeling Sorry
Looking Up

Basically, it's everything. It's just which song i favor the most =)

Anyway, I'm supposed to be going to Beyonce's concert this coming Sunday, but because it is postponed, i am stuck at home like a good little church gal. I am a little bumped about the idea of the the concert being postponed, but what can i do? Smack the people in their heads and call them pods? Nah.

I really dunno what i'm talking about now. Just finished cleaning my brother who pooped. Uh, not the prettiest sight, i can tell you.

Been listening to loads of old songs. Old as in Teenager by My Chemical Romance and so on. I didn't know i missed them a lot until i downloaded them once again and listened to them. Loads of old school bands are kinda awesome. I love them.

Now, pictures of Paramore - from a Parafreak =)

Oh, i am learning drums, by the way. From a dear friend, Jasher, and he's teaching me well. My first lesson was yesterday, and i learned a bunch of stuffs. Loved it. Gotta say, learning drums is kinda hard, but i think it's all about the coordination and depending how creative you are in putting perfect beats into a song. I think. But i'm gonna learn it anyway. I like drums, and i certainly love Cobus Potgieter.

Voice is freakin' hoarse. I've been sick right after the exam - during, actually - and my voice is like a squeking duck. Yes, sometimes, if i can't reach, my voice resembles a duck. Not amusing. Not at all. Worst of all, i can't sing! That part is the hardest thing i've had to cope in my life. I hate not being able to sing... It's saddening! I'm sad!

More pictures! -.-

Their new album's cover. Very awesome, ain't it? Nice and simple, but full of meaning.

This is supposed to be Ignorance's picture, i guess, but i can't read what it wrote there. The words are too small!

And so, i shall conclude this time's post. I am a little late and slow on updates - i know, i know, i'm beating myself up too - and i promise i shall not be late - i hope.

~Jocelyn

Dead, gone, and never heard from again...

2009-09-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

I think it's time i write again after such a long, long time.

I have been busy, and my schedule is killing-me tight. No, I'm not being dramatic. It really is hectic. There's so much i wanted to share, wanted to talk about... But alas, my friends, i have limited time and very limited resistance of the temptation of my bed.

For starters, I'd like to show you guys an opening video.

I know, i know. I thought that even i had got over the Twilight frenzy, but obviously, i am now not. I am beginning to sink into the New Moon insanity thingie.

Well, now I'd like to announce my love for the movie Hercules, and my interest for ancient Greek gods. Let's see, I love the Disney movie 'Hercules' and I love the soundtrack and all the songs there, especially 'I won't say I'm In Love'. That song totally threw me away every time i heard it. It's for people who don't admit they're in love, and don't want to say it out loud. Hah! And i am now downloading every single Disney movie song i can get. It's crazy, i tell you. I am also in love with the song 'Go the Distance' by Michael Bolton. That song rocks my socks, especially with his powerful tenor voice... *sigh* I love that song.

It's hard to get out of it when you really sink into it, you know. In the classic Disney era, i mean.

Now, the second video i want to show, is this. I was deeply touched by this song, though i don't know why. But - bah... I'll let you see for yourself.

This song is 'Send it On' by the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. Yep, all Disney kids. Well now, don't get me wrong. I may love classic Disney stuffs like their cartoon movies and soundtracks by those legends like Phil Collins and Steve Wonder and more, but i don't really get the new agenda of the present Disney. It's all.... teenage kids, who come in packages. It's real... I don't know how to describe it.

Well, i might be very well behind the date with the video i'm going to show you next, but i just found it out a few days ago and i would like to bring it up again to/ in my blog.

I love Tyson, don't you?

May i just add that this year's Teen Choice Awards is simply simple. Yes, i saw the whole thing and i think it's kinda pleasant, if not simple.

And then, before i show you the last possible video for this time, i just want to say that the whole charity concert thing was a huge success and i want to thank my mum and everyone who worked so hard for the concert. It was awesome, and i gained loads of experiences onstage and below. Besides, i got to wear a pretty dress, LMAO.

My buddies, Vanessa and Soon Huei.

Ahh, Vanessa.

My mum and Soon Huei.

And then, there was supposed to be more pictures, but i couldn't get my hands on them. So, might have to wait for the next time - and if i remember to upload it. LOL.

Now here, this last video, for now.

Two words: Paramore rocks!

P.S, One more video/ song. Before i leave.

Sea of Treachery doing a cover of Paramore's Misey Business. I love both versions!

~ Jocelyn-Lixian

Replies and Defense

2009-08-24T08:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time again for my entry in this blog. Or else it will whither and die... My poor baby.

My title couldn't have been more plain.

First, i have to reply two very sweet people from the chatbox.

Jiaqi: Heyy, nice to meet you too, and it's really sweet of you to post something here. Anyway, you can get my book here and it's 17$ (or it sit the other way round?), just to tell you firsthand. =)
Samantha: Well, i didn't win any writing competition or anything. I just happen to be very lucky to get Dorrance from the States to publish my book for me. I found them through online though. And as to where you can get my book, it's linked up there in Jiaqi's reply, and i hope you really get to read it. To tell you the truth, it's a little immature as i wrote it when i was 12, so please bear with me, lol. Keep in touch and hope to see you soon.

Anyway, i was feeling a little bit aggressive about some certain things and i am currently listening to songs from 30 Seconds to Mars (I love Jared Leto) and New Found Glory to chill off some heat. Really, i would think i really deserved it.

Oh yeah! New Found Glory is awesome and i love their songs! All Downhill From Here is awesome! Two thumbs up! I'd say 'Welcome to the circle of Jocelyn's-all-time-favourite-bands, dudes'. LOL, yea yea, i know. I love loads of bands and me finding a new one to adore every few months isn't really a very exciting thing -- not!! I really like those bands that i introduced, and i stuck with them.

Okay, I don't know why i just explain some really melodrama thing to you, which has nothing to do with anything I'm about to reveal to you now. Well, maybe it's because of the song I'm listening now. Bullets For My Valentine - My Fist, Your Mouth, Her Scars. Yeah, i know, heavy metal. But what can i do? I love it.

Well, here's some things i need to make clear of. First of all, humans talk, i get it, it's okay. Second, humans talk about other people, i get it, it's okay too. But what i don't get is why people keep talking and talking and talking and talking about the same thing over and over and over again. It's like the topic is repeating over and over and over again and there's no way of stoppin' it unless they stop it themselves. Of course, i don't mean everyone. No, of course not! I am just being random and there's this circle of people around me and -- oh nevermind, screw that. What I'm trying to say is, why are some people always trying to pick on other people? They are just mean, sometimes, you know. I am a person, a 15 year old person who is growing up and trying to find her way in life. Isn't this what all teenagers do? I love my music, i love writing, and most importantly, i love my family. People have no rights to criticize my family, my mum, my dad or anyone of us. So what if my mum decided to let us sink into the world of music since young? Music, for me, is the best thing that had ever happened to me, and i love it dearly. I will hold on to it, and i have decided to make a career out of it. She thinks that this is the best thing for me, and i agree. It's nobody's business. I love her for letting me learn music. So what if my results dropped? So what if i am a failure at my studies? So what if i am a nobody? It's nobody's damned business and i don't answer to anyone except my parents in my results. I am their daughter, for goodness's sake, and only they have the rights to teach and correct me. Even my grandmother didn't say anything in my life! What can other people say some more? Yeah, five years from now you expect me to be a simple-being, a nobody, or even a very miserable person. I can't say anything to that. Maybe i will be that, or maybe i won't, i won't know. I can't know. I am no God, and i sure as hell can't predict the future. If anybody could, please let me know. If you are certain that you can see into the future, then you let me know and tell me my outcome, since some people are quite certain of it already. I am not pin-pointing anybody in this. I'm sure a lot of other people are looking and watching me with every step, but i need to stay focus, and by doing that, i need no distractions. I have loads in my mind these days and to say the least, i love my enemies= people who hates me and my guts. God taught me to love them and therefore, i will. People who loathes me taught me to stand up in this world, and fight hard for what i want - in an indirect way. Therefore, i love them for it.

Okay, those are loads of things that i spat out suddenly and i just wasted an hour on it. It's past midnight now, and i should be sleeping. Things are getting themselves in and out of my head and i think i am just absurdly sleepy.

Wait wait, i just finished All Together Dead (yes, True Blood) and it is awesome! Eric remembers!!! Though i admit i might have skipped some books... Ahehehe. Anyways, if i get to buy in in some way, i would, believe me.

And and and!!!! I found this video, which is totally awesome, by New Found Glory and Paramore! Awesome! It's titled 'Kiss Me' and Hayley slapped somebody there... LOL.

Enjoy.

See that? See that? Hah! Hayley has guts! LOL.

And so, goodnight.

~Jocelyn-Lixian

Things Are Happening

2009-08-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

Well dudes, loads of things are happning around me. First of all, my school is closed. We, as the students of SMK Alor Akar, do not need to go to school for two whole weeks, including the August holidays. Yes, it will be fun. No, it will be torturous. Reason? We have our trials right after 'holidays'. So much for holidays...

Anyhow, I am not here to talk about my exams. No, that is the last thing on my talking list, believe me. Well, you ask what i'm here for then. I tell you, my friends. I am here to spread the hotness of a certain 'vampire' whose hotness is needed to be spread throughout my world. Guys, maybe this post isn't so appropriate for you. LOL.

Yes, i am very happy.

As you peeps know, i am very much in love with the TV series called True Blood. It is a vampire based story, based on the books by Charlaine Harris, the Southern Vampire Series. I think. But, i have read four of the books, and i have finished watching the first season, and i think i would be an adequate enough spoke person for True Blood.

IT IS AWESOME AND I WANNA WATCH SEASON 2!!! (Thank you, Christopher, for bearing with me and patiently helping me fill my pendrive with those episodes. Owe you one, dude).

Anyway, Bill Compton is sweet, passionate, caring and protective. Yes, he is the man for Sookie Stackhouse. But we all know better, don't we? Eric Northman is the bomb! He is dangerous, gorgeous, strong, awesome and a whole lot other things. I'll let the pictures do the talking for a while. You will see why i said he is the 'bomb'.

Yes, Eric Northman would be the blond haired guy. His real name is Alexander Skarsgard and he is from Swedden. He speaks excellent English and he is a very, very good actor. He is the greates - if not the best - choice for Eric Northman.

His image in the second season. So much hotter, much more dangerous.

Here, they were going to pound on Lafayett for draining vampire and selling it them - which is, of course, illegal. So, as sheriff of Area 5, Eric had to settle matters... LOL.

Now, i have two videos here from True Blood, featuring Eric Northman. Enjoy.

'Do i have blood in my hair?' Now that is awesome. His voice is real gentle, as though talking to a child, but they are dangerous... Oh my gosh.

'And Pam, those were great plumps.' *FAINTS*

Here you see Bill, Sookie and Eric. Sookie got slashed at by a half bull, half animal thingie. She got poisoned and Bill sent her to Fangtasia, where Eric got a dwarf doctor (Dr. Ludwig. Yes, so ironic) to heal her. You'll see them here. And i think this it the part where Sookie slaps Eric. LOL. Sooooooo much fun.

So, if you are still not interested in True Blood, remind me to knock your head off and give you a huge knuckle sandwich. I assure you, after you received those, you will love True Blood to death.

And so, i will sign off here. =)

Oh no, wait. Here's a video i would like you guys to see. This proves that Jared Leto is an amazing entertainer. He can sing, compose, play the guitar and act. Amazing guy!

So i shall sign off here. See ya till next time.

=P

~Lixian (pronounces as Lee-Zen, with your mouth smiling when you say Zen)

True ...

2009-08-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

Before i start anything, i am listening to 'The River' by Good Charlotte featuring M. Shadows and Synyster Gates from Avenged Sevenfold. They are awesome! - i mean, the two dudes from A7X.

Well, loads of things are happening lately. First, a school in the town I'm staying had been closed and quarantined for H1N1. So people, please take good care of your health and be healthy - always! So far, there's four deaths in Malaysia and i do not want to know about another death here. The knowledge of another life has gone from the surface of this earth is quite unbearable for me.

You may think that i am afraid of death - but i tell you, truly, that i am not quite afraid of it. Death is what everyone has to go through in their last times on earth and for me, i see death as another part of journey after life. I value life. I love and appreciate life. But - Being a human, i accept that i am going to die - be it sooner or later. But nonetheless, i accept it and though i do not welcome it, i am not afraid of it. The only thing that will torment me with fright is the thought of going through pain. I cannot stand pain. I am truly afraid of it. There - my weakness. I am terrified of pain. Call me witless, call me chicken. I care not. But i tell you now, i am afraid of pain.

These days, i am going through many things. I have my exams, and i have my life to think about. Sometimes, i think that i cannot do certain things - and that tears me down. But then again, i see the possibilities in the course, and my enthusiasm flares up in me once more like a rope dipped with gasoline. The things that i want to do - i want to be a composer, a vocalist, a producer, a script writer, a director, an author. I see so many things that i may be capable of doing in the future, and i am not boasting about it here. I am merely weighing my options and consider my interests for my future. Many teenagers cannot see where they want to go in my age. Whenever someone asks them, their answer would be 'I don't know yet.' I dunno what happened, but i can fathom my course - for now - and i want to pursue it with all i can.

To tell you the absolute truth, i cannot see myself doing paper work. I mean, give me a break. Tied up in office with a desk and a computer with tonnes of white blurry papers to finish? Well, some people may call it fun, but doing those things certainly is not on my list of what i call 'fun'.

Well, no matter. I shall see where things go. Does the phrase 'old soul stuck in a young body'. I know i may not act very mature sometimes, but that is how i cope with my very confusing present life.

Okay, besides writing now, i am 'arguing' with people in Facebook about True Blood and Twilight. Before i go into that though - I LOVE TRUE BLOOD!! True Blood is awesome, and i love it forever, and ever and ever and ever. Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin are terrific! Honest to God, Stephen Moyer is probably the best vampire on earth! He is awesome, and i fell in love with Bill Compton because of him. Oh my gosh, i am gushing and sputtering now, and i do not care. Stephen Moyer is probably the second and the last vamp to ever catch my heart *heart gallops*. The first one... Well, he caught me as a human first (Rob Pattinson) then he became a vamp, so there. Bill Compton is IT!

As i was saying, i was arguing with people in Facebook about Twilight and True Blood. I honestly think that True Blood is a much better vampire series than Twilight. And as i was saying, Twilight are for minor/teen vamp fans - if you get what i mean. There isn't so many bloody vampiric scenes in it, and it all evolves more about two people in love and the forbidden love and dramas. It's all in one person's head, you know. You don't get to see vampires in real action besides Edward, Victoria, James and the Vultori getting down to business. And the Vultori is just talking! Twilight is more on the love rather than the things that are going, you understand. There's not much blood, but loads of chemistry.

Whereas True Blood has everything and happens everywhere - and i mean, everything and everywhere. True Blood has more action, more badass vampires, more characters, much more bloody (seriously, there's blood everywhere) and the chemistry between Bill and Sookie is amazing! True Blood is much more complex and interesting, it automatically raises up to a whole new level.

To make it simple, Twilight is love; True Blood is steamy hot, passionate love.

I need a stronger word for love - 'cause True Blood really needs it.

Not that i don't feel Twilight's thing. It's just... I feel it better in True Blood - as an audience and a reader.

But, when it comes to reading vampire series... It is either Anne Rice's series or Dracula - the originals. Anne Rice has an amazingly creative mind, and an awesome writing attraction. You could really feel it when you're reading her books and when it's Lestat, you're Lestat. When it's a story, you start sinking into it without surfacing until the end. It's so real and deep. Beautiful to a man, handsome for a woman. I understand it completely. So what if a guy kisses another guy? It does not mean they are gay. Of course, there is love between them, but not as lovers. Until you learn to understand that, Anne Rice's series may not be suitable for you.

The darker side of things are often easier for me to interpret, as are songs that has much more meaning, i totally get it. Happy go lucky is not the thing for me in the present. There's too much happening in this world to be 'happy go lucky'. Men craves blood in war, kills mercilessly. Diseases, deaths, starvations, orphans, abandonments. People kept saying it's not their fault. But then again, who's fault is it that the child became an orphan? Who's fault is it that war erupts? Men did it - humans. Mistakes after mistakes are repeated over and over again and who is it that is to be blamed?

There's so much things out there that are happening, and yet here we are, worrying about ourselves and our pride. It's not that we should not worry what is on our plates, but i think - from the point of view of a teenage girl that may not be right - that we should do all we can to help. Give, is a wonderful thing. Give without expecting a return is even a more glorious thing. I admit, i do not think that always, but i am learning. Everyone needs to learn from one another. Sometimes, a person can change the course of the entire world. A child can influence a whole hall of people. The tiniest of things can set things in motion, but the tiniest thing can also calm a person down. I want so much to understand everything that are happening in this world right now, but i do not think that is possible. Thoughts are recruiting and swarming in my mind even as i am typing now. People understand what needs to be done, but do not attempt to do it - even i.

Well, enough of these 'lectures'. There's some really steamy pictures i would like to show you guys.

Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer)

I know. This picture looks a bit... But what do you expect? He's an old vampire.

But i like the picture below. Sooki (Anna) and Bill. They are a couple in real life as well as on screen.

Their scene in Fangtasia. It's a vampire bar with a very cool name. Fangtasia... Nice. See the red bottle Bill's holding? It's stored blood. Extra nice! Even normal human bars have those. Sweet!

Smoky hot...

She got bashed up pretty badly here. I dunno why... I haven't watch the series.

Well, it's so ironic isn't it? Twilight's star Rob Pattinson is a British. True Blood's vamp is also a British. Yet they could speak like American like nobody's business. Rob, a normal American, which i think is quite easy. But for Stephen, he had to speak like a Southerner - which is so much harder, i think, with the slang and everything. Anna is amazing too! The first time i heard her speak, i could not believe it! It was amazing, lol.

Here, a short video. Do watch it! It'll melt your heart...

Well, maybe the last part was a little over-18 scene, but i ain't saw anything, promise! I hope you guys enjoy it. It's so sweet... It's not just this clip that' is nice, there's more! That's why i am looking for the DVD. Cross my fingers and hoping hard.

Oh, and one more thing. You don't see fight scenes in Twilight - as in Edward and Bella fighting. But you do see it here with Bill and Sookie. They fight and they make up. I think this is the best part of the chemistry for them.

Now this next video... Bill was angry at Sookie for letting Jessica (the 'daughter' of Bill since he Made her) go to her parents' house. He drove them home and... You see for yourself.

Anyone who is addicted to this series, please please please let me know. Then we can talk. LOL.

Quote: Though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i shall fear no evil.

~Jocelyn

Videos!

2009-07-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

I am recently viewing loads of videos in Youtube. And i really mean loads of them.

And i just found out about HIM!! Yes, HIMMMMMM! The one and only Cobus Potgieter!! He is really an awesome, awesome, awesome drummer!!

Here's some for you to see!

The Great Escape - Boys like Girls

He also did a tribute to Michael Jackson just days after his death by playing and adding more beats to his songs - if that's what you drummers call it. LOL.

Beat It - Michael Jackson

Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson

Black or White - Michael Jackson

Billie Jean - Michael Jackson

I think you guys will like this. Enjoy! * And girls, please, remember not to drool just by the look of him playing the drums. XD

Umbrella - Vanilla Sky

Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin

One of my favourite songs - Avenged Sevenfold!! Yay!

Afterlife - A7X

Bat Country - A7X

Now this next song that he remade was really amazing! It was so impressive that people like me who doesn't understand a thing about drums could really see that he's just AMAZING!

My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson

Well, as you've been informed, Ceremony At The Avenue just played for SABS IU Night. A friend of ours just recorded a few of our songs that night. So, below are the two videos. It's a little messy and noisy, but i do hope that you enjoy it.

Pressure (Cover) - Paramore

My Heart (Cover) - Paramore

And well, i've been listening to loads of lyrics these days, and i've found some really inspiring and lyrics that gives me strength to live on with all these unnessecery problems around me.

The videos below, please read the lyrics and sing along if you can! LOL.

Let the Flames Begin - Paramore (live)

What a shame we all became, such fragile broken things
A memory remains, just a tiny spark.
I give it all my oxygen
So let the flames begin
So let the flames begin
Oh glory... Oh glory!

This is how we dance when
when they try to take us down
this is what we'll be oh glory...

Somewhere weakness is our strength,
and i'll die searching for it
I can't let myself regret such selfishness.
My pain and all the trouble caused,
no matter how long
i believe that there's hope
Burried beneath it all and...
Hiding beneath it all and...
Growing beneath it all and -

This is how we dance when,
when they try to take us down
this is what we'll be oh
This is how we stand when
when they burn our houses down
this is what we'll be oh glory...

Reaching as i sink down into light...

The Kill - 30 seconds to Mars

Conspiracy - Paramore (live)

Please speak softly for they will hear us,
and they'll find out why we don't trust them
Speak out dear, for i cannot hear you
I need to know, why we don't trust them

Explain to me, this conspiracy against me
and tell me how, i lost my power, oh yeah

Where can i turn, coz i need something more
surrounded by uncertainty i'm so unsure of
tell me why, i feel so alone
coz i need to know, to whom do i owe

I thought that we'd make it
because you said that we'd make it through
And when all security fails, we'll be there
to help me through

Well, that's all for today. The song above really helped me through loads of things and i really, really love them. Hope you enjoy the songs that i had put here. =)

Till next time!

~ Jocelyn

Well

2009-07-21T03:06:00.001-07:00

Hullo there.

Before i launch into the story of my life these past few weeks, i shall make three announcements.

~ Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a charity show for the Chinese government schools in Pahang on the 30th of August, 2009. This charity show/concert will be held in Vistana Hotel, Kuantan, involving a lot of people and VIPs. Not to brag, but a lot of awesome performances will be performed on that day from the Talent Makers from KL and my books will be sold there too - My 'Sweet' 17. Remember, the price will be $17 per book, and i will be donating 15% of my profits while i get a total of 5% only. So, to any one of you who wanted to get one but couldn't go online to buy, my books will be sold there on the 30th in Vistana - yes, in Malaysia! - before the charity show starts - and it's only a limited amount of 60 books. If any of you who is interested to go to the show, please contact this number to get tickets 013-9324415 (Cecilia Lau). There will be 4 types of tickets sold; RM 20 (for normal seats), RM 50 (for VIP), RM 500 (for opening ceremony VIP) and RM 1000 - if i am not mistaken. People in Kuantan who loves classical music, please do not hesitate and just come! This might be your only chance to really get to see something unique from talented and passionate children and it won't be a disappointing show, i can assure you. Spread this to your friends, families and cousins and relatives.

The cover of my book. Though simple, but i think it's nice. If you can't make it to the show, you can order it online. To order it, please go to www.redleadbooks.com and look under fiction. Or just simply type the name of my book there. Thank you.

Well. Now that this thing's settled... I don't know why I'm still so silly some times! It has been years since! Oh my gosh, i probably made the biggest mistakes of my...um, of this week. But! Not gonna tell you what it is =p. Only, trust me, it's unspeakable, but surprisingly, i don't regret it like i used to. Hah, i knew how to get over it now. Just forget about it XD

~ Oh, and this is for the previous post. I just knew about the results today and i just passed my violin grade 8 exam! With a Merit! I am so relieved, though i think i could have done better in a lot of ways. But, nonetheless, i am pleased with my results and i just had a realization - i finished my violin grade 8! Yay!

~ Ceremony At The Avenue! is in need of a new drummer. Yes, we really need one! Anybody who is reading this, please spread this news around to your friends, families, cousins, school, friends... LOL. But if you think you're up for it, please leave a comment below or in the chatbox, and don't forget to leave a contact number and a name! We look forward to playing with anyone of you out there! Yours truly, CATA.

SABS International Understanding Night 2009 was a blast. =) Yes, it was. Though there were some complications and a 'mild' technical problem, i still think it was awesome. Job well done to the committee, and a very nice show performed to Caprice and Hayad. It was a pleasure to meet them and it sure was a pleasure for Ceremony At The Avenue! to play for so many wonderful people.

I enjoyed the time and am glad to have met so many old friends again. I missed you guys! I dunno if you guys felt that i changed - for the better or for the worse - but i do hope you guys enjoyed what all of us had prepared and played for you guys.

This is the only picture i got/ found. Any of you who had taken more pictures, please pass it to me! Your name shall be credited here, no worries ;)

And last but not least, this song is Paramore's newest single; Ignorance. It is an awesome song, as it can relate to me in ways you couldn't even begin to imagine. Their third album will be coming out in September 29th! Yay!

Please listen to the song while looking at the lyrics. The lyrics is the sum of everything i can say to you people right now.

Ignorance

If I'm a bad person,
You don't like me.
I guess I'll make my own way,
It's a circle, a mean cycle.
I can't excite you anymore.

Where's your gavel, your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me,
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs.
I don't wanna feel your pain,
When you swear it's all my fault.
Cause you know we're not the same.
We're not the same
Oh we're not the same.

The friends who stuck together.
We wrote our names in blood,
But I guess you can't accept that the change is good,
It's good
It's good
It's good

You treat me just like another stranger.
Well it's nice to meet you sir.
I guess I'll go.
I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend.

This is the best thing that could've happened.
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it.
It's not a war.
No, it's not a rapture.
I'm just a person, but you can't take it.

The same tricks that once fooled me.
They won't get you anywhere.
I'm not the same kid from your memory.
Now I can fend for myself.

Now you can see, why this song relates to me in loads of ways. I can totally feel the full impact of this song, and i think i truly understand it to its extent. I totally love it!

I found that as I'm growing up, i really see the true faces of people around me. Cautious, people. My advice to you, from personal experience. Friends who once cared, can turned their backs to you in a second. Friends who once loved, can turn and step on you on their way out - of your life. It doesn't matter of their age, everyone is still human. It's a pity, cause we can rarely find a person that will stick with us no matter our status and backgrounds. But, if you do find one, remember to grant him/her a special place in your life, cause, no matter what, they are the special ones and you must appreciate and love and hold on to them no matter what.

Remember kids, material ain't everything. I know that I'm a teenager and can't judge anything in life yet - but i ain't judging nothing. I'm just expressing myself, or i can't even do that now? But you gotta know this, sooner or later, i am going to be an adult, and i have to think about things that is important and think for myself. Unless you end my life, which, I'm sure, will shut me up permanently - and will shut you up permanently too. *sigh*

But why am i being burdened for things that are repeated and happening every single day? Why me, and not others? Why is it always have to be me?

When i didn't succeed, you guys looked down on me. And when i do, you guys tried to pull me down. Why?

This is neither a war, nor a rapture. I really don't have anything to say, and i don't want to say anymore. Let this come to a past, and maybe things will go back to normal. But if things do get 'extreme'... whoa. Then. Let us be reminded that it ain't my fault. I'm just a teenage kid - who thinks a little bit more. I do not announce that I'm perfect, this is all just my opinion. Please remember this.

Oh! I just found out something amusing! Not gonna tell =P Till next time!

~ Jocelyn

panic attack

2009-06-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

I HAVE A TOTAL OF FOUR HOURS TO MY FREAKIN' VIOLIN EXAM!!!!!

And i haven't even started practicing. I didn't go to school today, due to this 'royal' day. Funny how my mum treated us like 'royals' when we have our music exams - and it's not even our school exams! Hah! Music is far more important to me, punk.

But... I think I'm going to die - literally. I couldn't play my scales well (hesitated in loads of parts), and my Bach (pronounces as 'Barkh') totally sucks. Okay, so i admit, i am nervous about it. But this is my last grade exam and if i flunk it, my mother would disown me (i would disown myself too).

SO I WISH FOR LUCK AND I WISH FOR FLYING FINGERS AND AWESOME MEMORY AND GREAT AT ANSWERING IN AURAL AND READING NOTES FAST IN SIGHT-READING ---------

I am supposed to be practicing. I cannot believe i am here right now.

Goodbye.

Jocelyn

OH MY GOSH!

2009-06-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOSH MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!

Seriously. I am not joking.

Oh my... Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, is dead. Holy crow!

Here's the news.

Michael Jackson has died at the age of 50. He reportedly died after suffering from a cardiac arrest and falling into a coma on the way to hospital. The news was broken on a celebrity Web site, and spread via social networks such as Twitter and Facebook before traditional media would even touch the story.

It’s a shocking and premature end to the life of one of the entertainment world’s most famous and iconic characters, but it’s now been confirmed that Michael Jackson is dead. He suffered a heart attack at around 12pm midday at his Holmby Hills home in Los Angeles, and was taken to UCLA hospital after falling into a coma.

Doctors are now saying that paramedics failed to resuscitate the singer after finding him not breathing when they arrived at his home. Michael Jackson was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. It’s a truly global news event, and one which was broken on the Web first, hours before more traditional news outlets got hold of the story.

TMZ.com, a celebrity gossip news site owned by Time Warner, broke the story of Michael Jackson’s cardiac arrest around four hours after it happened. The news then spread across the Web in that most viral of methods, with Twitter updates and Facebook status updates getting the news out there faster than any other method could.

At 5.20pm, TMZ then announced Michael Jackson had died, although its use of just one unnamed source meant most people were skeptical and willing to wait for confirmation from a more reliable source. That confirmation took another hour or so, with The Los Angeles Times, Reuters, and The Press Association then confirming his death.

Oh my gosh, and you know how this news was broken to me? I'll tell you how. I woke up first thing today, my mum came rushing into the house. When she saw me, the first thing she told me was, 'Michael Jackson is dead.' I was like, 'What the... ... ...' I was speechless. Besides not having a proper 'good morning' greeted, i was told that Michael Jackson is dead. A very good morning for me, today. Holy crow!!

Jocelyn

A-noun-ce-ment-S

2009-06-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

First of all, i would like to congratulate Taylor York from Paramore to finally being the official member of Paramore! Wooots, congrats!! He is an awesome rhythm guitarist and an awesome song writer! He has been with Paramore since their early days and he deserves to be in the band after such a long, long time. Yay, Taylor!

Second, Ceremony At The Avenue! is in need of a new drummer. Anybody who is reading this, please spread this news to your friends, families, cousins, school, friends... LOL. But if you think you're up for it, please leave a comment below or in the chatbox, and don't forget to leave a contact number and a name! We look forward to playing with anyone of you out there! Yours, CATA.

Third, Folios are killing me. I. Am. Dying. I haven't even started anything! Yes! Not a single thing. And i am supposed to be doing TWO folios. I am going to die - in pieces. My teachers are going to strangle me and i am going to let them. Why? Cause that way i won't be alive to do anymore folios! Nice plan eh?

Forth, i am currently addicted to theses two songs, no thanks to them.

How you love Me Now - Hey Monday

Run, Don't Walk - Hey Monday

Do watch these two videos and try to figure out why i am addicted to them.

Fifth, I am wacthing Spongebob now. So... ciao!

Jocelyn

When

2009-06-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

I knew that the departing, that the last time we meet (for now), was going to be sad, but i never expected it to be so damn depressing. At least, for me.

It's even more depressing now, come to think of it.

I don't know when or how i will see them again, or when will we all hang out like we used to again. Even if it's just for a movie, just to hang out, or just to have dinner... It's terrible that everything and everyone had to be so darn busy.

And next year? You ask about next year... Next year everyone's leaving. And I'm going to be here, alone.

I can hardly bear this today, i don't think i could handle all of them leaving next year.

Yeah, so we had arguments, we had disagreements. But didn't that make our bonds even tighter, closer? Already, i miss everyone and everything and every time.

Yeah, maybe this meant very little to you guys. Maybe this is all just an experience, or a play thing. But to me, all of this meant everything to me. I grasp everything that we ever had close to my heart, close to my soul. I love doing this and i want to do this again, as soon as possible, no matter the arguments, the fights, the sarcasm. I love all of this and i really cherish every moment we ever had. You guys were so good, like the big brothers i never had. I love you guys so much, it actually hurts, and i don't think i care what you guys think about me anymore. All i know is that, I may be the worse friend you guys ever had, or maybe the most sensitive/easily pissed off/weird person you guys had ever encounter. But believe me when i say this, i love hanging out with you guys, no matter what we were doing, and for the past few months, you guys had been my life.

I will miss everything, just as i am missing it so much right now.

School is starting. Everything is changing, yet again. I don't think i can cope up with everything in school anymore. All that I had ever want is to do music, and that is the end of it, no matter if i success in it or not. And all that i'm thinking now is where and how will i end up to be without them. I had once thought that i already have everything, that i can do everything that i had ever love with them, together. But now... Us falling apart just proves to be the one thing i can't have, no matter how much i enjoyed it. I really think that. What if we really had that offer? Not everyone is me, and not everyone won't hesitate to accept it. I want to do this, so of course i choose that path, i am lookng into that path. But i can't make everyone see the same way as i do, or choose the same things as i do. People have different perspective on things, and the attachment is making all of it worse. I want them here with me, to make the same choices, but i can't seem to hold on longer onto them. They need to make their decisions, and i need to move on with mine.

But i wanted so badly that everything will go on.

When i first heard that they are going to leave, that we won't be able to perform together anymore, it's like a knife had cut straight into my heart. It ached, and it never really healed.

But i guess that this is inevitable. I had just chosen not to think of it months ago. Now that it is actually happening, it's unbearable.

It hurts so much to think of this, to dwell on this. But this is what i feel. I may be talking like i'm breaking up with somebody - but in truth, this is what it feels like to break up with music, to break up with something that i love so, so much.

Okay, i may be taking things too seriously/desperately, but this is really what i feel now. I dunno what you guys are thinking, but i want you guys to know (if you're reading this), that i treated this whole thing very, very seriously. I had even thought - dreamed - that we had
that chance. I hope we do, in the future, but i just have to move on - for the moment.

I love you guys, and i hope we could continue doing this forever.

- Jo

The inspiration of Random-ness

2009-06-13T01:40:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a little bit peculiar today... Mostly because i've been 'helping out' - more like working there, really - in my mother's new shop. It was fun/boring. And i really don't wanna go back there anymore. LOL.

Since i have nothing to report to every one of you, i have decided to post up some taken-a-long-time-ago pictures i've been keeping in my phone. Hope you enjoy while i slowly and delicately upload each one of them.

My sister's soft toy. She thought that by tying it's ears up it could look like CJ7.

My teacher's puppies - before she gave them all away... All ten of them. Aww, poor, cute little puppies!!

The jambu that has a cross stem at the back. I took this picture last year, when i still had black fingernails during the long holidays...

My sister and my brother sleeping. My sister hugging my brother, my brother hugging the bear. Wtf? But cute, nonetheless.

Ahh, this. These three PINK things. Unfortunately, none of these belongs to me - not one of it!

Supposedly, the moon.

Um... I do not know what is this.

Me and my brother - in the music room, doing nothing, just foolin' around.

Hah! Lika, Krystyl, if you guys are reading/seeing this, please do not kill me. LOL!!

Last year, i followed my mum to the market when she wanted to buy chickens for business - i mean, her restaurant. I wanted to just tag along and see her buy her stuffs. I thought it was fun, you know, and i wanted to learn how to buy some food stuff anyway (for later days, you know, in case). But - After looking at the pictures, i'm sure you know why i vowed never to go there - ever again.

The chickens there were soooooo disgusting!!!

Chicken hearts. CHICKEN HEARTS!!!

So, past all the eeeecky things, here's a nice piece of blueberry cheese cake. It was and is delicious! My 'godfather' made them for my family. I thought of taking the picture to 'show off'. LOL. Seriously though, the best cheese cake i've ever had.

I... really don't know what this is.

Ahh! The bird nest in my garden! My sister had to be the itchy-hands one to take the picture. But... It looks a little weird, and very very small.

After a few weeks, the birds are out!! This is what they look like. Well, hmm, personally, i think they look like very small dinasours - from this angel, at least.

My brother sitting on Pauls' shoulders. He was pulling Paul's hair, LOL, like a horse...

Ahh, Chia Hern and I, in the ballet studio, when i still had that weird hair of mine. LOL.

My - ahem - OUR hamster, Lucian!!! He is so adorable. But now, he is too adorable to even go near to it. One of the main reason is his house looks so beautiful with all the extra 'decorations' and he just smells sooooo 'good'!

And now, the official 'Hamsters'. I don't know why, but my mum kept calling them hamsters. Perhaps it's because when we first got together, my mum bought Lucian back. And so, i think the name caem ffrom there.

Personally though, i thought it was quite appropriate. LOL.

Hah! Paul, now don't complain that we can't see the drummer. Now we can ALL see the drummer. Can see you only, actually.

In Pizza Hut. Stupid posses. LOL.

Carl knew i was taking this picture though. He was doing this ON PURPOSE!!

The end result after asking them to 'move here a little', 'no, forward abit', 'no, back a little', and 'yes, there'.

And at last, the 'triumph' of a 'true' guitarist!

Hope you enjoy those pictures - which i've kept so long - which i've uploaded for so hard. Maybe now, i can clear the memories in my phone. Yay!

Jocelyn

OhmiGOSH!

2009-06-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well hello there. I apologize for not updating as often as i like due to the condition of my computer these past few days.

It rather sucked not having to go to the Internet, isn't it?

So in conclusion: Internet is divine!

Anyway, i have loads of things to tell you guys so make sure your ears/eyes are stuffed out and be prepared for what's takin' place next!

Last week was probably the best week i had ever had in my whole entire life! Allow me to start from the very beginning.

Jaycee and Jasmine came back from KL on Sunday. But from Monday onwards, we hung out like, 24/7 - everyday!! On Tuesday, they slept at my house, and the next day, and the next and the next. I lost count on the next, LOL. It was so much fun!! I tell you, it's very good to have some cool quality girl time. All girls, no guys, mind you. You can't even began to fathom the 'peace and quiet' we had... You know how girls are. I appreciate every moment of it. Jaycee and Jas's coming back back are like little breathing spaces i have, where i could express everything out to them and they just listen. It's what friends do for each other...

And on the 4/6 fourth of June - FOURTH OF JUNE!!! - we rocked... It was the best night of my life - probably the bestest best night ever!! Let me tell you the whole thing - from the very beginning till the end.

On the morning of june the 4th, i woke up reasonably early and went to the hotel. My dad sent me there. I was the first one there, at 9AM. Of course, i was a wee bit early (got the wrong info, hehe), but i don't even care. It just feels so good, you know? The feeling, the stage, the settings, the soundchecks... Everything was awesome.

But before we begin our 'soundcheck', we went for breakfast in a mamak stall. Michael was surprisingly early that day, hehe *inside joke* After breakfast, we had our official turn for soundcheck.

But at night, when it was the real performance... It was unbelievable!! Believe me when i said truly unbelievable. The stage, the people, the instruments, the set-ups, the everything... I can't say that we were the best there ever is, but... it was awesome. It was truly, really, honestly awesome!!!

I can't even begin to describe it... But well, let's just view the pictures my friends so dedicated had took.

The 'raw energy' - Hayley Williams (Paramore)

Marcus!! - lead guitarist

Hmm, i was signaling it at somebody. I think it was Nazim or some fella... LOL

Myself and Jasmine
Marcus and Jas. I dunno why, but with Marcus looking so 'innocent', it still looks wrong. AHAHA

Being unprepared for the picture...

Carl, 'syok sendiri'.

Now this is cool. I like this. The hat. So wrong, yet so right...

Carl's pick!! He is the most violent guitarist on earth! LOL. Well, can't blame him, he IS the rhythmic guitarist...

This is what you get when boys began cam-whoring themselves...

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa...

I take pride in this picture. My masterpiece. Boys...

Jaycee and I...

Micahel is so blur... LOL. He either looks up or down...

'After party'

Well, i would just like to say one thing... ANYONE RECORDED VIDEOS FOR THAT NIGHT'S PERFORMANCES?? I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD HAND IT OVER TO ME OR JUST LET ME HAVE A PEEK! Thank you.

I gotta say, we make a nice team. All of us. I really hope we can continue 'doing this forever...'.

Well, we spent the next day or so hanging out. We went to the beach, to the mall, to the beach again, and then to paul's house again. Seriously, we could do this all day long/all year long. All these friendship realy mean a lot to me, and i hope that we never seperate!!

Let's fly a kite!!

'Pretty Paul'...

And then it was Roxanne's Sweet 16 partay. It was very... classy. In other words, very pleasant. We enjoyed ourselves that night, sorry if i was a little late, just came back from KL. But we had a nice time. Very nice to meet all the old friends again, really. It's been AGES since i saw them... Ahh, nice time, nice time.

So far, this holiday had been treating me fine. I cherish every single moment of it.

Though i don't know when we could ever gather like that again, i don't know if we could ever have those times again, but i sure hope all of us could do this over and over and over again!!!

You guys rock!!

Jocelyn

The Words

2009-06-02T02:36:00.000-07:00

Clearly, i am utterly dissapointed at certain people these days.

I do not understand the fact of it, nor would i want to know about it, actually.

I expected more, actually, with them being an adult or more open-minded than all of us.

But some things just never change in the world of humanity. And that is why we are condemned to be humans.

I truly believe that.

Guess i would just have to have my say before i do anything... appropriate, if that is what i'm doing right now. This is a waste of my time and energy.

Of course i miss writing in my blog. Of course i want to write every single day. I love writing. But my pretty little metallic box just had to bust up when i needed it the most. So you understand my unfortunate situation. It cannot be helped, apparently.

But what is the most apt reaction of a 15 year old girl, i ask you. What do you expect teenagers like me - in this age and day - to do? That we should not cuss/ curse, that we should not speak crude languages? And i ask of you, what century is this? What kind of world we're living in? That women had to wear clothes that covers from head to toe, that woman couldn't speak in public without a man beside her? Wrong. We are in the 21st century. Poeple all around the world are speaking like this. So whether you like it or not, suck it up.

I do not understand the fuss that people are making nowadays. We can speak whatever we want, use whatever words we choose, and do whatever we want to do, don't we? So what is wrong with cussing? Don't we all do that? Don't you all ADULTS do that, especially? And yet here we are, complaining and feeding little gossips to each other. I do not know whether it is jealousy, or genuine concern. What would you have me do, my dear friends, when i cuss just to express myself better? Just to tell you how much i needed it right now?

People, people... I am just a human, after all. And humans do make unintended mistakes.

But, all past aside, i really should not have cursed to vulgarly. I was wrong, and i admit it. But some people just had to sit back and watch it all like a very good movie. Well, i'm here to tell you, my dear sir, that i am a 15 year old girl who does anything she likes and say anything she desires. What i do not like, i don't do, and what i love, i put everything into it. So if you want to judge, if any of you want to judge, please do it in front of my face and spare my innocent father and my most supportive mother. I do not care of your age or your status, but if you are wrong, i will not hesitate to 'correct' you.

Poeple assume too quickly about things these days. I simply have no patience for it sometimes.

Anyway, i apologize for everything, and whatever things i had yet to do. Please do not be offended or 'discouraged'. I do not mean anything. And for my fomality in my language, well - let's just say i read too much Anne Rice. The Queen of the Damned is simply AWESOME!!!

To come to the conclusion, i have wrote a book. The title 'My 'Sweet' 17'. Please support this fully. I promise, there are no crude words in this book, lol. This book means a lot to me, and i really hope no 'harm' comes to this. You may offend the author, but not the product, please. To order/buy, please go to www.redleadbooks.com. Please look for it under Fiction. I thank all of you.

Jocelyn

Short Update

2009-05-10T05:46:00.001-07:00

Bonjour.

Today is the 10th of May - HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woots! To every mother in this world, may you be a good mother or a bad one (I'm sure there are no such things as bad mothers in this world) Happy Mother's Day. You deserve this day because without you, we don't exist. So thank you!

Anyway, today, SMK Alor Akar had its annual Hari Anugerah - prize giving day? As the conductor for the school's choir team (no, i do not think choir is lame/ bad/ stupid. If you think it is, then go far away), the choir team is requested - or rather, demanded - to perform on this day.

To tell you the truth, i was damn lazy to perform at first. To perform, we need to practise and skip classes (not that i mind this part) and make some more parts for the national song and state song. Lol. I don't really mind either or that, but the most unbearable part was to dress up and tie-up for the day. Ugh, ridiculous. Preposterous!

But to get together with the whole choir team again, now that was very cool...

I miss choir.

So, after the performance and everything, i went to SMART school for their 'niaga' thing - after a long and silent treatment from me to my mother, lol. Hehe. But at last she gave in, didn't she? That was what counts. But of course, it came with a price, but it was a price that i am willing to pay and like to pay. The place was effin hot (in the middle of the field during noon), and i came home looking like charcoal (of course I'm exaggerating, do you even need to ask?).

But i had fun, met loads of people there. Almost performed there with the rest (Marcus, Carl, Paul and Jason) but i needed to go back early 'cause i had to go to Yamaha for practise. I WANTED TO PERFORM THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alas, it was not meant to be. Haiz.

Oh, oh, Nazim came back. How i wish the twins are back too, then we can go lepak together... JAYCEE AND JASMINE COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, i'm watching Mulan right now. Lol. Old cartoon, but fantastic music. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Disney channel rules - sometimes.

And so this is what i did today. I am dead tired, i want to sleep and i shall sleep - perhaps at one o'clock in the morning eh? Lol. So dear readers, ciao!

Jocelyn

Classical music

2009-05-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

Heyya.

Recently, i've been watching a Japanese drama/movie - introduced by my piano teacher, Miss Florence, and many of her other students. I'm so glad i watched it. It is an awesome series called 'Nodame Cantabile'. Of course, for those of you who learn music, you would know what Cantabile means.

As you can see from the title, this series is all about classical music (Mozart, Beethoven, Bhrams, George Gershwin, Chopin, Liszt, Schubert... you know, all those), ochestras and it all happened with a bunch of talented students in a music college in Japan. It is awesome. Hilarious, yet meaningful at the same time. The movie/drama was originated an anime and manga, but later on became this real life Japanese music drama - if that's what it's called.

Anyway, besides being here promoting 'Nodame Cantabile', i'm here to give you guys a glimpse/ ear-full of classical music with full MTV by Waltz Disney Fantasia 2000 as well. Below are the videos i adore so much since i was 8.

Dance of Hours

The Pines of Rome

Rhapsody in Blue (Because i couldn't emb it, i decided to put the link here)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jK_ShoOL2ao&fmt=18

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDsPydW3Y54&feature=related&fmt=18

The Steadfast Tin Soldier

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UqmcW1QZTU&feature=related&fmt=18

Firebird Suite

Fantasia Flamingo

Now all these are great music, music which i had grew up with and is very fond of composed by brilliant composers. I respect these particular music and i hope anyone who saw these videos can find the perfect angle of it.

I shall sign off here. Goodnight/ goodmorning/ good afternoon.

PS, I am officially in love with Hugh Jackman. He is a talented guy and he can SING!!

Jocelyn

Express

2009-05-03T07:03:00.001-07:00

I do not know whether i should be cursing or congratulating, hating or loving those who went for Leehom's concert. Bloody lucky, if you ask me.

On second thoughts, do not ask me anything. I'll be pissing my head off of you.

Anyway, I'm just here to express what I'm feeling these last few days - if express is what I'm even doing right now. By the time I'm finished, this blog would be bursting into flames and acid drops that burns your way where it touched.

Oh, before i go any further, I LOVE WOLVERINE ORIGINS!!!! IT IS ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS I'VE WATCHED AND I SHALL PERSONALLY STRANGLE ANY OF YOU WHO SAID IT IS A BAD MOVIE.

Oh, i just love Gambit...

Everyone looks so cool here.

Perhaps I'm in love with Hugh Jackman.

I LOVE GAMBIT/ Taylor!! He's so cool, lol.

One of the best movies I've ever watched, so far. For more information, watch the movie yourself!!

So, back to my main purpose of this post. Have you ever had anyone whom you respect and love a lot (as a friend and brother) that just because of something you didn't even say or do, accuse you and throw damn bloody harsh words at your face? Well, trust me, that feeling bloody hurts and it isn't, well, pleasant. Not at all, no.

Anyway, see, we had this situation which is not-so-complicated and not-so-hurtful (one that i am not going to reveal to you), once you look at the whole big picture, and someoneS just made this whole thing a huge bitch. I dunno why, nor would i want to know (i actually already know, but it's just better if i don't dwell on the memory at all) but that is just a stupidly huge misunderstanding.

But one that i am not willing to forgive and forget, nor kiss and make up and pretend everything didn't happen and live happily ever after.

Yes, i hold long grudges, and yes, i am very hot-headed and easily pissed off - if you pissed me off. But this is one bloody hell of a stupid thing to do and say and something i cannot understand. I won't understand. This whole shit of a situation just made me see that some certain people in this world, no matter how close you were or how best friend-ish you were, can just change in a blink of an eye, turn his back to you in a blink of a bloody eye and stab you in the back with those bloody knives of his and put salt in your wounds after that just because of something he didn't make certain of nor confront you of in the first bloody place.

I would just not talk to the person forever. I think I'd like that. And i wouldn't give a damn if you said that I'm an idiot that hold stupidly long grudges just because of a stupid misunderstanding. As far as I'm concerned, i live my own life and i do not need you to teach me morals. Not everyone is a goody-two-shoe, and i don't plan on becoming one either.

Sorry, that came out wrong. My intentions weren't harsh.

Okayy. Now that i've expressED everything i wanna say, sorry for all the cussing and cursing and foul language. But this is an exception, i think, and as long as i ain't pissed off (or too excited), i won't curse or cuss. Thank you for bearing and reading on after the first curse word. Lol.

Jocelyn

Once upon a f-ing long time...

2009-04-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

I am a total failure.

Yes, it is true.

I do not deny it.

No, no, please. I AM a total failure.

How could i let my blog DIE in such a horrible way?? Where nobody to 'feed' it, nobody to 'care' for it and nobody to 'love' it. It died, rot, and is now buried deep down into the ground - with a coffin (like a vampire, perhaps?). I didn't even bother to visit it after so damn many people asking me to 'update' my visiting hours.

I am a failure as a 'mom' and a blogger. Shit.

Time to dig it up again.

Anyway, to make up for it, i shall give you hell. Yes, i am totally obsessed with the All American Rejects now. I am listening to their songs every single day, non stop, repeating and repeating it until my sister is about to smack my phone straight to hell - so that i can never retrieve it again.

For those of you who don't know - yes, i shall kill you if you don't after this when i ask you - it is a band. An American band. You can tell from its name, as you can clearly see. It contains four members - Tyson, Nick, Chris and Mike.

Tyson has really blue eyes... You can practically drown into oblivion in them - good oblivion, i mean.

Before i go any further, everything in my life is going on quite okay. I can breathe, i can eat, i can drink. My body is functioning well and i think it should be able to live on to 56 years -- Oh, everything in my life is okay. School is fine (never bother to finish my homework), band is going...well, songs and writing are inspiring me really well ( i dunno where the hell those ideas came from, but i am glad for them nonetheless). I still love Paramore and Avenged Sevenfold, i missed a lot of movies, i have interest in Hey Monday (a new band), i read tonnes of books (i am not exaggerating), i learn to like and respect Demi Lovato 'cause she's an awesome singer and i wanna tell you guys so much but i forgotten what i wanna say...

Anyway, here are some pictures of the All American Rejects - well, mostly Tyson, i like him the most. Hehe.

See his eyes?? SEE HIS EYES!!

Tyson and his 6-years-long girlfriend, Kim.

They say that Tyson looks like the Smallville fella, Tom Welling. I am not so sure about that. Do they now?

Look at Tyson!! He looks so silly!! Even from here you can see his blue eyes...

Now this is one huge picture.

The ALL AMERICAN REJECTS!!

Anyway, here are some videos that i've been meaning to post up here a long time ago. They're Paramore, but in HD. Make damn sure you watch them and really listen to them.

Pressure

Crushcrushcrush

Misery Business

Love's Not a Competition

Decode

That's what You Get

Emergency

This next song touched deep into me. Its called We Are Broken, by Paramore.

Now this song is by the Al American Rejects. Gives You Hell.

I love this video. Tyson is so funny!!

And the next video is by Demi Lovato. This song is awesome, it pulls at my heart and the video is very sincere. I dunno how to explain it, but its just is.

Don't Forget

Alright, i shall 'pen' off here. I shall end with a thing of my own.

Deny not, my sweet, the sole reason. The eclipse above us can cover not what they see. Try to hide it not, my beloved, the sole reason. Of my being with you, the chances are there. But if you wanna leave, then go, pack your things and leave none behind...

We Are Broken - Paramore

Jocelyn

Just a short Breeze

2009-04-09T02:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, i am so damn tired right now.

I didn't mean to swear in my first sentence, i swear, and not to mention when i am greeting all of you guys too. But seriously, i am so damn tired i would fall asleep straight away if i hit my bed headfirst. Yes, i am that tired.

But unfortunately, no such luck. I am not in my bedroom, i am not even at home! I am in my mum's office, using her staff's computer and blogging. Yes, this isn't my own computer, damn it.

I was supposed to be doing my sejarah assignment (elemen 1) but i was done (damn many pages i had to print. Waste ink and money. Damn it). So i decided to have a small entry/ drop by and greet all my fellow friends - while reading Before I Wake by Kathryn Smith. One of my favourite romance/fiction writer. She's awesome, let me tell you. If you ever get a chance to stumble over her books (perhaps some bookstores in KL like Popular, MPH, Borders), make damn sure you snag one book (or more) back - for me or just for yourself. Lol.

So this past week had been crazy. I am so totally into our band - Ceremony at the Avenue. We had practice, like, three days in a row, and then we hung out. It was an awesome time. We don't just hang out as musicians, but as friends too. That's the best part of it. I am very glad to be able to know such wonderful people in my life.

Anyway, as i am sucking this lollipop in my mouth (strawberry flavor, mind you), i am thinking about my whole 15 years. Ever since i was born, i was the 'guinea pig'. I was the firstborn, the eldest among my other siblings, and the first to experience everything. Ever since i was born, i was like the head, my parents knocking me into everything they could ever think of. Bringing me for music lessons (not that i wasn't grateful of), letting me write, have diving licence, the first one to have my own golf set, father bringing me into the field to play golf, treating me like pearl/ prisoner...

To tell you the truth, i kinda suck at being the first child of the family. I am irresponsible, not to mention utterly lazy (lol) and i don't count as those merciful nice big sister. In fact, I'm very much your worse big sister you could ever imagine. Well, not that bad, but you get what i mean.

So, yeah. Just trying to explain what it felt like to be a big sister. Those of you who had elder siblings, well, good luck at dodging them (coz they ain't going anywhere). Those of you who are the elder siblings, I'm sure you understand what i meant. But try not to bully your younger siblings a lot, or they're going to get mommy and daddy *mocking*.

I shall leave you to your thoughts here. This might be a sarcastic post/ update, but honestly, i have nothing to report. I ain't a philosopher, to explain things in life and stuff, but i ain't a babbler too. Regard this as a tiny breez for me to breathe and empty my head. Yes, i am writing/ composing again. Hopefully everything goes well once i dive into it again.

Jocelyn

The Choir Competition

2009-04-02T06:17:00.001-07:00

First of all...

ALL YOU SMKAA CHOIR PEOPLE!!!! LISTEN UP!! YOU GUYS WERE GREAT/ AWESOME/ SMOKIN' HOT & PRETTY/ PERFECT/ FANTASTIC!! I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU GUYS (as your silly conductor) AND WE SHALL TRY THIS AGAIN (anytime, any day, any place)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, now. On the 1st of April (i know, i know, ironic isn't it? Choir Competition on April Fool. It's a wonder if the result they had given us were really meant to fool us) we had our annually choir competition - district level. As usual, these schools were fighting - hard - to win/ bite each other's necks off. SMK Aor Akar, SABS (Sultan Abu Bakar) and MGS (Methodist Girls School). We were practically 'arch-enemies' since the beginning of year 2007. Well, not really, but you get my drift.

On that morning, my sister and I woke up at 5 30AM for hair-do and warmed up our voices. We weren't actually singing, but why not set a good example for the rest of them? So when we were done, mum sent us to school at 6 30 sharp, reached there 6 35 sharp, and met all of my 'warriors'.

At 8 AM sharp, we left our school.

To be frank, we were awesome that day. We were very good, very neat and very well done. We couldn't have done any better, honestly. They were singing most beautifully/ magically/ angelic on the day of the competition itself! If i wasn't careful, i might as well have cried onstage. Really, they were awesome. They ARE awesome!! I am so proud of them.

SMKAA (choir) ROCKS!

It was the most beautiful, the most wonderful experience and the most honourable pleasure to be standing there with so many wonderful and talented people, working with them and singing with them. They were the best team that was formed, and the best singers i ever knew. And to be able to train with so many capable peoples... It was almost unbelievable.

Yes, i admit the training session was tough/ hard/ madness. We cried, we were sad, we even argued. But who said everything was going to be easy? If it were easy, we wouldn't be humans now, would we? When it comes to the end though, it was all worth it, wasn't it? We did our best, we tried our best, and if the result was that, i couldn't have asked for a better end. And so, i fully accept the result that was bestowed upon us, and i am very proud of it.

Not that we weren't good, remember that. We were good, very good, but they were more capable, and they were more experienced. We learned from them, and we shall keep that learning. Most importantly, we gained experience - to do better!

And so, SMKAA Choir-ians, we shall try again next year. Special thanks to Eevonne, Jordan, Jasher, Suzzane, Tiff, Shar Min, Joyce, Li Ann, Rufus, Joel and everyone whose names that isn't uttered here, but shall always be remembered. We were a team, and we shall be a team again!

Once again, congratulations everyone! SABS, great job guys! You deserved it fully! MGS, do not fret, there's always a next year!

PS, Keep on smiling, y'all!

Jocelyn

Choir Competition!

2009-03-31T04:53:00.001-07:00

CHOIR COMPETITION IS LESS THAN 24 HOURS!!

GOOD LUCK, Y'ALL SMKAA CHOIR TEAM!! And other schools too, of course.

I am so excited about everything, i wouldn't be about o sleep tonight.

And there's another reason why i could not sleep. I had to wake up at 5am to go to school. So why sleep when i can't sleep longer?

Anyway, SMKAA Choir Team, good luck, and may we do the best!

PS, I just found a very nice piece of music. Listen to it.

CrushCrushCrush - String Quartet

Jocelyn

Busy, Busy Week - Ceremony at the Avenue!

2009-03-28T06:45:00.000-07:00

It has a been a week since i wrote anything here. My blog is going to rot.

After Earth hour - which i totally can't do anything about it - i am now sitting in front of my beloved computer.

I can hardly catch a breath this whole week! And now that i finally do, i am pouring my heart out here.

Omigawd, let's just say that this was my busiest week in the first three months of 2009. I had choir practise every single bloody day, then a pile high of school homework -given by those merciless teachers, and then the stuff with the band and everything else that was going through my small little head. And i am now in the middle of writing - both stories and songs!! How am i supposed to figure out and organize my life sometimes, i do not know. But it seems that this little head of mine is very capable of a little skill called multi-tasking.

Then of course, which caused me to even dream about the work that i am supposed to do, and the horrible tragic IF i did not finish it... *shudder*

Of how i got through this bizarre week, i must thank two of my most favourite band - Paramore & Avenged Sevenfold. They gave me inspiration and so-called strength to do my work and plan my life. Without their music by my ears every single day, i wouldn't know if i am even alive today.

I would probably die of exhaustion by the street on the way to tuition - if i were to live this week without them. No kidding.

Nowadays, i am very into bands. I even checked out local bands like Bus Company (awesome), 7 Collar T-Shirt (nice music, but sucky vocal) and some more other bands. And then of course, there are the international bands which are totally, incredibly awesome!!! For example: Yellow Cards, The Script, Plain White T, Lifehouse, Nickleback, My Chemical Romance, Muse, Mayday Parade, Bullets for my Valentine, Korn (ahh, i adore Korn!), Slipknot, Jimmy Eat World, Faber Drive, Iron and Wine, Flyleaf...

If i were to continue, i wouldn't be able to sleep.

And now - as i am writing - i am listening to Paramore's Conspiracy. An awesome song. The sole reason i love Paramore so damn much.

As i had said earlier, i was incredibly busy. But one of the reason i couldn't get my lazy ass to the front of the computer was because i was always in front of the computer. With nothing to do - sarcastic - checking tonnes of music videos, listening to new music and creating new ones of my own. I simply hadn't the heart to write anything else!

Of course, now that i do find time, please bear the long-ness with me.

03/29/2009

On the following Sunday, i went for church early in the morning. But the night before, i had so damn many dreams, i couldn't actually sleep till it was 5am in the morning. I had too many things to think about to sleep. But i was also a little too excited and overreacted about everything. Lol. Typical ol' me.

And then at 7am, i had to wake up. I went to church (my friends call me 'good little church girl'... WHY??) and then went for Sunday school.

At 11 30am, i had to go to my mum's shop to eat, then go straight to school - due to the competition on Wednesday. And then at 12pm - 2pm, i was in school. But 2 15pm, i went to Yamaha for concert practise, which my teacher had so badly wanted me to sing/ play the violin. I must admit, though it was a little cliche, but the songs are heavenly! Mama Mia, Dancing Queen anyone?

And then, right after the rehearsal, i had to go for band practise. The practise that day was awesome. We played Pressure and My Heart - both songs from Paramore, I'm sure you know. And then a little of I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. Jason, Lee, Eevonne, Elaine and a girl was there with us. After the practise, we went to 7/11 where Paul bought me a Slurpee and we hung out, talked/ discussed some things and went to my home for dinner. The girls wanted to follow, but Marcus's car couldn't fit all 8 of us, so the girls had to go home themselves. They took forever to make a decision, and Marcus and i were too tired and lazy to hurry them up. (I had to go home, my mum was yelling at me already).

The name of our band - Ceremony at the Avenue! It took the boys forever to decide on the name. One hour and twenty minutes, i could still remember. *sigh* Boys. The band was officially formed at 8 02pm (between 21-24 seconds) 03/29/2009, my house's front porch.

Marcus: 'Paul, can you shut up for a while? Just for a while?'
Paul: 'Beeeeeekkkk!'
Marcus, Carl Min, Jason, myself : '*laugh*'

Jason actually fell down from the chair - the result of laughing too hard. Lol!!

Jocelyn Wong - Lead vocalist/ keyboardist
Marcus Ng - Lead Guitarist
Yuen Carl Min - Rhythmic Guitarist/ backup male vocalist
Jason Tee - Soon-to-be-Bassist/ backup male vocalist
Paul Bernard Xavier - Drummer

Ceremony at the Avenue! Drill this name into y'all heads!

My Heart (ACOUSTIC) - Paramore

Jocelyn

03/17/2009

2009-03-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

As i am writing this now, the song 'You and I Both' keeps playing and replaying in my mind, no thanks to Jason's blog as i opened it in another tab for ~~stealing~~ i mean, grabbing pictures purposes.

On my official birthday, myself, Jaycee, Jasmine, Carl, Jason and Bernice (almost) went for a movie in the infamous mall - Megamall. We watched 'Race to Witch Mountain' starring Dwayne 'The Rock', Annasophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig. It was a pleasant movie, about aliens and stuff. But the boys - being boys - ... Let's just say they weren't that enthusiastic during the movie. Throwing pop corns anyone?

After the movie, we went for a little stroll and walked to ECMall. There, we/ I took some pictures (i became their photographer of the day haha). I am very lazy to write down everything and for more information, Jason's blog is only a click away.

03/18/2009

I went for choir practise, as usual, but only 6 people were there. Obviously, i got fed up and when the teacher is blaming you because your mates were going to KL, there's nothing you can do except explode, literally.

Morning, i was supposed to meet Jaycee and Jasmine in the beach at 5 30am. But because of mother reason, i could not afford to piss her off anymore. Lol. So i stayed at home and went for practise -- as a 'good' girl should.

When we reached school, only did i learn that THEY were walking to my school. Jaycee, Jasmine, Jason, Carl, Paul and Wong. I walked out of school, met them halfway and joined them for the rest of the journey.

After a lot of things happened in school, we went home to my home. There, all of them stayed from 1pm to 6pm. I am very sorry if i am not detailed enough but believe me, i don't quite want to relive these past few days.

For more information again, here is where you'll get it.

I am not so dedicated in blogs and posting and updates anymore. First, i don't have the time. Second, i can't get away from the hound's eyes and third, i have tons of things to do which i am supposed to do but not yet done. So please, pardon me.

I knew this year was going to be very tough. But i did not expect anything like this! Suddenly, the life of a single working mother with three kids and taking double shifts a day doesn't seem so bad anymore. At least she didn't have anyone hovering over her every day and every time.

PS, I now, i mean, my family now inherited a hamster named - ironically - Lucian, the Lycan. No thanks to my brother. 'Baby' Lucian is now driving my nuts!!

PPS, You should watch this.

Little Pieces of Heaven - A7X

And this.

Seize the Day - A7X

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time

But I'm too young to worry

These streets we travelled on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while

I can move on with you around

I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?

I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done

We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time

But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one Picture)

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live In

No longer needed here so where do we go?

Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of Death?

But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time

But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one Picture)

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna

Die alone without you here,

Please tell me what we have is real

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?

Whoah, so I never want to leave you, and the memories of Us to see

I beg don't leave me

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty, and cold without you here, too many people to Ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here

Please tell me what we have is real

Silence you lost me, no chance for one more day

I stand here dreaming alone

Falling away from me, no chance to get back home

I find this piece very touching.

Jocelyn

I am 15

2009-03-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hello peeps, Jocelyn here. This shall be my new blog from this day onwards. Some bloody idiot hacked my account in MSN, Gmail and Blogger. And the end result -- i need to create a new bloody blog. I shall create this blog as close to my old one as possible, if i could.

Fuck you, bloody hacker. Whoever you are, i shall curse you to loose all your money when you buy lottery.

Ahh, now that i am done scolding/ being mad at that idiot, i feel so much better. In fact, i may be able to forgive him (i know it's a him, i dunno why) for being so damned lifeless/ lame/ idiotic/ stupid/ dick/ asshole/ m*****f*****.

I shall proceed to the main purpose of this post/ update.

On the 17th of March 2009, i turn 15. But, on the 16th of March 2009 evening, i had a barbecue at my house. I think it was kinda boring (shite, even the host herself thinks it's boring), but nonetheless, we had fun and quite an amount of nightmare. I shan't forget the 'weird Q&A game'. It was hyper boring, and super disgusting. Cake cream, noodles, chili, soya sauce, lamb blood, fruit juice with 1% alcohol and three people's saliva. *shudder*

3 minutes in surgra... (Indian accent people!!) (Paul & Carl).

At 7 30pm sharp, i think, the guys - Jason Tee, Syman Lee, Lee and Carl Min - arrived at the front gate of my house -- with gifts!! How they knew it was a gathering for my birthday, i did not know, but i was really glad and surprised. They were very punctual, even for Malaysians, and i was impressed. Honestly, i was expecting them to come much later, being i'm a gal and all and they were guys... Big, older, elder guys. But, they blew my mind right away when they were the first to arrive.

And then, Aruni was the next smart/ pretty gal to arrive. Quite punctual too, if i remember correctly. But when she arrived, she had to walk to somewhere to give something to someone. I dunno who, but boy, am i glad she didn't get eaten by James on the way back here. Obviously, she walked there, and walked back.

'The next one who comes, i shall lock them outside and never call them friends again...' -- JW.

It was almost 8pm when everyone arrived -- everyone being the 15 of us/ them, i mean. Suzzane, Shar Min, Joyce, Tiffany, Vasuki, Jess Min, Jaycee, Jasmine & Bernice. Again, Malaysians proved to be Malaysians (i'm referring to typical Malaysian timing, as you can see). The bbq was supposed to start at 7 30pm, but, they came at almost 8, save the four guys with 'punctual' tattooed at their chest.

But, i love each and everyone of them for coming and celebrate my 15th birthday with me. It meant a lot to me, and i truly appreciate every one's presence -- and presents.

Here are some pictures which might help you picture the evening.

The guys were so interested in the only mushroom in my garden -- i mean, my dad's garden. They took pictures of it. (Oh, i love Jason's DSLR. It's so nice, and it reminded me of my mum's old camera. If i ever win a lottery, i shall buy it).

Supposedly, my light cheese cake. At first, my mum doubted we could even finish it 'cause it was quite big. But, fear not Mother, we finish finished it.

The group photo my mum took for us with Jason's camera. Even she knew how to use it.

My mum's noodle. It was good, from what i've heard.

The picture i snapped out of randomness. Jason was the only one looking my way.

Jasmine, i don't know what you're looking at...

'Photography is an art' - JT.

And then Lee had to go. It was 9 30pm, he was suposed to go to Singapore that night. We were sending him off while Jason took a picture of all of us. Syman, being the geek in the pink.

I think this picture looks perfectly normal, Jason. It's a friendly hug (but look a little...weird)!! Why do you say they're gay??

After that, we played a very boring, weird game, which was unsuccessful, i believe which was Aruni's exact words. Aruni, i am a very lame person. What can you expect me to think up?

So, we headed off to the music room which Carl said could be made into a small recording studio. Wow, never thought of that. We sang some songs, laughed some laughs... It was the good ol' times.

But we played 'I'm Yours' twice. We loved that song!!

And then it was the cam-whoring time.

Carl was being unintentionally funny. Nice guy, nice guy.

In the saloon. They were sort of fascinated. Carl, especially.

Jasmine and I.

Jaycee and I.

Bernice and I.

Syman and I.

Carl and I.

Jason and I.

Carl and Jason. Syman said Carl looked like he's drunk.

It was 12 something in the morning when they all went home. Everyone took the twin's ride back. It was hilarious watching them big guys squeez into a small car. But as long as they reach home safely, that's all i asked for.

Here, i thank everyone for attending my small 'gathering' (party sounds cliche, don't you think?). I sincerely appreciate everyone being here with me and i thank everyone for your presents. How in the world you guys knew it was my birthday, i did not know, but thank you, nonetheless.

PS, All pictures' credits go to Jason (Tee). Though i took some pictures, it is still his camera nonetheless...

Jocelyn - officially 15.

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Busy, Busy Week - Ceremony at the Avenue!

03/17/2009

I am 15

panic attack