I guess now's a good time to write. I'm sober. It's 1:56AM and 2010's nearly gone. And to think i'm just starting to get use to this year. I don't wanna miss spending these last days where i'm free doing nothing. I wanna feel like i'm up there, in my own world, doing what i like best or do best, before going back to reality a.k.a going back behind bars. It would be a little suffocating for me next year, i know, but i'm gonna go through it, like everything else i've done. Next year today, imma load back this post and imma say, hey, spm's over for me. I'm free again. I'm free to do whatever i want. So i guess this is a goodbye post for me freedom for the year 2011, among many other things as well.
2010 has been one hell of a year for me. I have the most experience this year! I'm truly living in the year 2010. I've had winning moments, i've had disappointing moments, i've felt things i've never felt before in the past this year, and i've gained and lost so many this year. I've met friends who has gone and came back, i lost friends who were here and are going to live their future else where. I gained and lost weight. I gained phones and lost them to thieves and toilet bowls. I loved and unloved. I crushed and un-crushed. I drove a car (drove it in the middle of the road like i owned it), I rode a motorcycle (almost crashed into a tree), I tried smoking and hated it and i would never touch it again. I lost two cats. I inherited a huge dog named Krooger. I made and lost friends. I passed and failed at my exams. I'm listening to chinese songs now where last time i couldn't be bothered with them. I write chinese lyrics now where last time i wouldn't even think of writing them. These are all my life experiences... No matter good or bad, i would keep them close to my heart and live my life with them in my mind. And i would definitely learn from my mistakes.
I know i know, i'm sounding all cosmic now and so not fun. But believe me, when you're truly thinking and not fooling around at this age - teenager age, and staying sober - you would realize you're thinking deep. Not deep philosophy-ish. But just, feeling your thoughts you know. You really think where you usually don't. You stay still for a while and reflect on what you did. I know many of you out there don't do this, and you might think i'm a weirdo who think too much. But hey, if this gets me back on track in life, i'm not about to keep this 'method' to myself and not share, unlike some selfish fcktards who think only about themselves. I'm breaking some rules here by cussing. But i don't care. Cause you know what? 2010's gonna end. And imma do anything crazy if i can. Cause the impression of the year 2011 gave me is a tough one, so imma do all i can that is fun now. While i still can.
And then there's this huge news where i'm pretty upset about. Huge to me, cause i am a huge fan of them. At least, i was. But, i dunno what to think now! I dunno which side is the right one. I dunno who to believe. This is a pretty big issue in my life considering i have loved them since 2007. Sigh. I guess this is life, and i'm just starting to taste it. Josh and Zach Farro from Paramore has left the band. Yes, the awesome lead guitarist/songwriter/back-up vocalist and the awesome-est drummer there is have just left Paramore. I am too upset to say anything! I felt like a part of me has been torn away. Seriously dudes. The first time i saw this announcement, i was in tears. I was thinking, either April Fool has come early, or i was dreaming. I pinched myself literally, and it friggin hurts! So i was not dreaming. So that means this thing is real! This announcement is real! As i read Hayley's part of the statement, i realize its a light draft for us fans to know. Then i went online to check, and i saw Josh's blog. That was when i read his mind. I really felt what he felt all the while he was in the band. And i felt sorry for him and Zach. I mean, i understand how they felt being left aside and not viewed as important as Hayley. But as i went on searching, i also looked up Hayley's profile in wikipedia. What Josh said was true, but it was also stated there already, just not as detailed. So i kinda felt a little more neutral now. Things happen in life. Sometimes it's a little unfair, but it's better than nothing. So now my thoughts are: if Hayley, Jeremy and Taylor continue to make good music, i would totally support them to the max. I mean, i love Hayley's character. She's bubbly, she's down to earth. And she's great with the crowd. Like peanut butter and jam. At least, that's how she portrays in interviews and shows. But even if she's faking it, there would still be part of her that is how she portrays, or she wouldn't be able to keep it up for so long and for so many years. Not even with practices. So yeah. I'm still a Paramore fan. No worries there. I just can't bear to listen to them these past few days knowing Josh and Zach left. It's a little weird, and friggin sad.
And then there's Offside Traps! whom i love so darn much! Just so you know, Offside Traps! is a band which i am very dedicated in. I love them boys so much! Thank you Zariq, Danny, Firdaus, Hassan and Ezekial for giving me the honour to play with you guys and being my best music mates! Wouldn't have hit the stage without you guys. You guys ruled too hard! We do awesome music together (if i do say so myself)! And thank you Lee, for letting us play in your prom. You did awesome bud! (:
Lots of love, Jocelyn
