Lots to talk about

As i said, there are loads to talk about.

I am feelin' mighty confused and i do not like feelin' like this. Nope, not about relationships and boys and girls and stuffs. Nah, that is, like, so stupid, talkin' about it here. Seriously. But more of like friendship and stuff.

Be warned, though. I might get a little cosmic on you in this post.

Not intentionally, remember.

Anyways, I'm gonna start with this friend. Let's call this friend Friend A. For short, FA. Fa. Cool. Okay, anyways, I've known Fa since i was young. Real young. Maybe about, like, when i was 4? Yeah, I'm not gonna tell you how i knew Fa, or where i knew Fa, but it has something to do with music ;) Nyways, as i grew up, we grew apart, until i reached my teenage years. Then we grew kinda close, i guess? I mean, we've always knew each other since young, and we've never really lost contact all these times. We see each other in school, but we've never talked. It was a long time ago. We still chat online occasionally, sometimes. There was this time when we've gotten like, real close, but i was reluctant to push what we had into something huge. So there went a big fat nothing. We grew apart again. And then there was this time, recently, when we grew close again. A bit too close, perhaps. When it was dark. There was never a thing going on, and never will. I assure you. But just knowing things about my friend that I've known for so freakin' long is kinda nerve wrecking and a lot to take in, for me. I didn't know Fa was so complicated - until now. More complicated and messy than even i expect Fa to be. I dunno, i guess it was ignorance on my part? Call it that, i don't know, i don't care. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But i was never a good observer. I should've known better, i guess. I've always seen Fa as a naive and innocent and harmless kid. Maybe i was wrong. I dunno. My head hurts just thinking about it. Every single time. I just didn't know Fa grew up to be a different and more complicated person that i expected. I guess i never really knew Fa at all after all. And i don't intend to dwell on Fa's matter anymore. Though i love Fa till death as a friend, it is too complicated, and hurtin'.

Well, that was a long one. Another long one is yet to come in the next paragraph.

And then there was this other friend. Let's call this friend Friend B. FB. Argh, can't pronounce it like FA. Nyways, FB... I knew FB since forever. We were very close, we were best friends, we were almost siblings. I loved FB like i loved my other besties. FB was one of my bestest best friends, and i used to categorize FB as one of my best friends in books and stuffs. I loved FB. We used to have each other's backs and we look out for each other, i think, as often as we can. Well, at least, i did. I looked out for FB's back. With or without FB knowing. As i said, FB was my best friend since my childhood. There was never a party that i went without FB there, unless it was someone FB and FB's parents didn't know. There was never a party that i have without FB attending , unless FB was unfortunately out of town or went overseas. Like i said, I loved FB as my bestest besty. But deep down, in my heart, I've always known that this couldn't last. We were growing up, and we were growing apart. We begin to know different friends, go to different places. We went to different schools. But still, i was loyal. I kept FB as my best friend. I was still loyal. I never meant no one no hurtin'. Never ever. We begin mixing with different friends, and things... changed. Material became a must. Luxurious became the ultimate importance. Fame, status, name, riches... It all suddenly became huge. I have no idea why. I was just minding my own business, doing my own things that i love, until i got the sting of it. By then it was too late. We were completely different. I did not do anything bad. My writing is the reflection of who i was, who i am, and who i am going to be. Why should anybody care? The sting of getting stepped on by FB to climb to the top was almost unbearable. Maybe i shouldn't call it a sting. Instead, i should be calling it a burn. A fire. That would be more appropriate. I don't care who's reading this. Just know that this is what i truly thought, and i was hurt by someone i loved as a close friend. I am not ashamed to admit that i was hurt, that I've been hurt. I need people to realize that even the closest amongst friends can betray and back stab you in a matter of seconds. I guess this is just the world we're living in today. Sad, isn't it? The only person who we can truly trust is ourselves, and sometimes we even lie to ourselves too.

Friends, yes, we need them. We lavish them with love and trust as often as we can, as often as we could. I am just 15, and already i learn to be careful of the people around me who i treated as friends. I find it very cruel and grieving. Humans can be deceiving and cruel to even those they love. Cases of siblings killing each other happen more often than not. I have nothing else to say other than 'be careful'.

Many people may think that i am an easy going person/ nut-case and hung out with loads of people. No, i ain't braggin', but that's what i heard about meself. Well, to tell you the truth. I love meeting new people, despite of being cautious and all. I love makin' friends with other people and get to know them. Nah, i ain't nosy. I'm just friendly. I think. Gee. -.- Anyway, in spite of havin' a whole bunch of friends, I'm sad to say i don't have many 'real' friends. I have, but not many. I mean, friends that call me up anytime of the day just to hang out and talk. Nope, not in school. School friends' topics are just prep talks and we just talk for the sake of talkin'. But i don't mind. I love my school friends, even if it isn't vice versa. I mean, we're gonna see each other for how long more? 2 years? Then we'll be leavin'. So yeah, i appreciate them. But the point is, i don't fit it. Seriously, i don't. I can hang out with different kinds of people and they don't mind, and yet, i don't seem to fit in with them. Is it because I'm weird? Hmm, yeah, probably. I think I'm weird too meself. I'm just standing on the sidelines of everyone's lives and occasionally steppin' in and takin' a peek. Nothing more.

Sheesh, I'm crappin.

Okay. I am done being a wimp and complaining and complaining. Nah, i ain't complaining. Just stressing it all out. I can't wait when my friends come back!! I wanna hang out all day with them and tell them so much stuffs. Yes, MUCH. My stuffs are uncountable. Unless i forgot what i wanted to say, which happens most of the time. I wanna do so much stuffs. I wanna be so many people i wish to be. I have so many things to do and yet so little things to finish...

I must be getting sleepy. It's 12 30am, and I'm dying.


~ Jocelyn

It's raining.

Yes, it's freakin' raining.

And it's about time i blog.

Well, not much had happened, if you don't count me going to a Halloween party (organized by ISK) and celebrating my mum's birthday.

Oh yea. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!



I'm going to make this post one of my shortest post ever, so i'm gonna sign off here. Fast.





~ Jocelyn

Hyper Jumper?

Again, I'll start off with i don't know why i put that title opening. The name's stupid. It's random, it's weird, and it has nothing to do with what I'm writing/ typing about. -.- This is not a good thing. I seemed to be doing loads of things i don't know of recently.

But, thank goodness, it sounds cool. At least, i think it does.

Hyper Jumper...

Hmm.

Listening: Stolen - Dashboard Confession

Uh.

Nah.

Probably it's because of the fact that I've watched Pandorum today (weird name). It kinda influenced my title naming today, so yeah. An awesome movie by the way, i might say, for a trainee/ junior thriller movie watcher. Gee. I don't sound good.

Listening: The Middle - Jimmy Eat World.

Anyway, as i was saying, Pandorum is an awesome movie. I love Ben Foster. He's a kickass actor, and i have full respect for him. Straight to the point? I adore him. Really, i do. Many of you might not know him like this, but if i tell you something, you'll know him for sure - unless you live on an isolated place where there are no TVs and computers and Internet and X-Men movies. The dude is the one who acted as Angel in X-Men: The Last Stand. Yes, he's gorgeous. Yes, i adore him (I've said that twice. Get it through your thick head lol). So, the result is, i love Pandorum, and nothing anyone say will change that.

You might come to ask - how come I've watched it? Well, there's a chance that you may not ask because anyone can watch a movie any day, so I'll tell you myself and assumed that you did ask (man, do i sound cocky!). It was actually a snap decision. I was in church like a good little church gal (there i go again with my freakin' church gal description), mindin' my own business (there's only two businesses you can do in church and that is attend mass or go to Sunday class. I did both, so yeah) and then i saw those two guys who aren't sitting for exams these few weeks. Nope. Not for any exams. I was a dense kid. I mean, i was talking to them and then - and then -

And then i became a smartass (temporarily) and a light flickered on in my head with a click and i was like, hey, these two dudes are available! Let's go watch a damned movie!

Yes, mates, you've guessed it (no, you didn't)! They are no other than Rainier and John - from ISK. Yes, the international school from here (here is the town of Kuantan in the state of Pahang in the country of Malaysia). I invited them (since i knew the time for the movie). I checked up the time and everything the night before, so i knew. I was supposed to watch this film with Jason and Carl, but Carl couldn't make it because of his SPM coming *scoffs*, and it was weird two people watching it together (a human male and a human female who were just friends), so we cancelled it. And then a miracle happened in church and the light thing came on and so, the three of us decided to watch it.

As usual, i was the only female.

It's not like i want to be the only female in the crowd. I mean, who does? We stand out. We freakin' stand out. I mean the-only-girl-in-the-crowd girls. It's not good for people to stare and make stupid assumptions in their own brains. In fact, the limelight is a very distracting thing, if not suspicious. Who knows what people thinks? I don't especially care, but after some unfortunate incidents that caused me and my family some stupid lame problems (ones that we're never gonna care about ever again anyway), i felt the need and the right to know what people think about me, in some crude manner. I don't want any trouble, so yeah.

Apparently i don't know what I'm talking about, so I'll be skippin' this part.

So the three of us bought the tickets and grabbed a quick lunch (McD), which reminds me, i haven't paid John back yet! Shite. Not good. I'm gonna pay him back next Sunday when i see him in church. So, back to my tale. We ate, and then watched the freakin' movie. Again, it was nice. It is nice. I loved it, and i love it. Here's some pictures. Some. And i say some 'cause i don't wanna be the spoiler for you.

Yes, there's a girl in there. She's pretty - pretty dangerous.

Apparently, the movie poster doesn't seem to mean anything. But this is a girl, anyway. I mean, dude! Check out her boobs down there! The picture is a girl! Plus, this thing you assumed was a dude has a curving waistline only a gal has!

Oooh, i love this part. My hands were covering my face here but there were gaps between my fingers, so I'm doing okay.

Listening: Turn It Off (acoustic) - Paramore

Yes, my dear friends. I'm happy to say that i was surprised as well. Cam Gigandet was in here! Yes, i adore him as well.

I adore him very much, if i do say so.

Too bad he has a girlfriend - and a daughter. They're a sweet couple, they are. They're a nice family.

So, after the movie (we were pretty jumped, by then), i had to go straight home. My mum was already in ground floor waiting and i had to go for an orchestra practice (I'll get to that later). On the way out, guess who i met? Yup, you guessed it again (you did not). Carl. He was in his dad's shop, and in front of him was a laptop and a cup of Oreo ice-cream. I butted in and saw pictures in it (his laptop) and butted out. I dunno why i went there but i just did. LOL. One word though.

Kantoi...

But it was all for good fun. I met Kenny there too, walking into Carl's dad's shop. Gee, loads of apostrophes. I blinked in and blinked out in a blink of an eye and seconds later i was in my mum's cars, strolling away.

It was a fun day.

And then i went to Khoo Academy for orchestra practice for the first time in over 3 years of never stepping foot in there. I gotta admit, it felt good. Real good. Literally. Loads of new people, i met. Kelvin was there, like he promised. And then again, a lot of 'old' people i met there were playing other instruments instead of their first instruments. That was a surprise - and a good one. Loads more instruments like drums, trombones (was it trombone? I couldn't remember, short term memory lost), keyboard and the piano were brought into the orchestra too. I love the people there, and i hope nothing bad will come out of it.

After practise, i went for golf.

It was really bad today. Practise was bad. My iron shots were good, but i can't say the same for my wood shots. My driver totally sucked. If you knew about golf, you would know what I'm talking about and not the real life driver, 'cause that would be my mum. -.- No, i love her, rest assured. But my golf practise today is so off, i promise i would have kicked myself in the butt if i could (i won't). So, we'll hope for the best in tomorrow (I'm meeting Shar Min there, teehee!). I know that things won't always go the right way you wanted them to go sometimes, and all it's gonna take to make it right again is time.

I just made the sentence up myself, but i think i was makin' sense.

At least, to myself.

Anyway, i gotta go. My sis is dozing off, waiting to use the computer and it's 12 19am now (she wants to watch videos with it in Youtube, so shhhhh).

TTFN

~Jocelyn

My Amazin' Time

I don't know why i put that title, but that was the first thing that came to my mind.

Honestly, i should be writing. Writing, yes. No, not this. Not the blog. I meant another writing stuff of mine.

Gee, even i don't know what I'm crapping about. -.-

But you can't really blame me. It's 12 25am at night/ morning. I should be tucked in bed like a good little church gal and await anxiously for the morn of morrow with bright spirits and embracing the thought of something amazing would be happenin'. I don't know why i address myself as a good little church gal all the freakin' time, and i don't know why i talk like that. Sorry, screw that. Type like that, would be much more apt. I guess it's really the time, and the song I'm listening to right now. Waiting On The World To Change - John Mayer. I guess I'm waiting on the world to change?

Nah.

Now, it's Not Tonight - Tegan and Sara.

Definitely not tonight.

I like them, the Canadian twins. Really, i do. I even follow them on Twitter.

Tell you something. I'm bored. I'm really, really bored. Outta my butt bored. The proof of that? Well, i tend to want to blog all the time in a day and i twitted almost 17 tweets a day. Yes, the proof of my boredom. I dunno when it's gonna reach it's peak, but I'm sure it's a pretty soon thing.

I need to do something real, and it'd better be soon.

My body is hurtin' me. No thanks to me going to the driving range twice a day every single day. I haven't touch golf for a friggin' long time and i am very glad my touch is still there. I love golf, and i hope i may persevere much longer this time i started playing back again.

Apparently, when we're down and sleepin', the people in the States and near there are up and about. It's kinda weird actually seeing them up and about and greeting each other good morning while we're here greeting each other good freakin' night. Uh, i know. Weird, like i said.

Oh, wait. Now I'm listening to Boulevard Of Broken Dreams - GreenDay. I like listening to them. My iTunes is perfect - for me.

And now, presenting.... *drum roll (i can actually do that meself)*

.... this picture of myself.

In this picture - the sole picture and credits go to Jasher, my friend and my drum teacher! hah! - you can see that there's a girl holding a pair of drum sticks - no, not the one you eat - and hitting at the - wait, what was i trying to do at the time? Rolls? - and tryin' to do her thing. Nah, she ain't good at it. Nope, not good at all.

Just showing off her fringe.

-.-

Wait, listening to Careless Whisper - Seether. Apparently i want you to know what kind of songs i have in my iTune.

As i was sayin' before i got rudely interrupted by my hands/ brains - strike that.

Listening to Afterlife - Avenged Sevenfold - Cobus Potgieter's drum version. That dude is simply awesome. Cobus, i mean.

Alright, here's a picture of him.

Cobus, i mean.

See, i told you he's awesome... Dude's even got his own DVD coming out. No, wait, already came out. Shipping during November.

This shows the greatness of Internet and Youtube.

Now, back to the main topic I've been meaning to talk about - type about - while I've also been side-tracking. Remember i told you I'm learning drums with a friend who's real good at it? Yeah, you might remember. The Friend. LOL. Well, i promised him i wouldn't write anything false, so here goes.

Jasher, you are an awesome drummer and you shouldn't deny that. You have taught me a whole bunch of stuffs and only on my second session, i already know how to hit/ play different beats - not to mention cross hands and almost the throw sticks thingie =) You are good and were real patient with me (real, real patient) and i owe you a bunch, mate. You're friggin' awesome as a teacher! Only 2 freakin' lesson and I'm in a pretty good shape as a beginner, if i do say so myself. Teehee! Plus, two hours is your whole month's fee last time. LOL. And i took 4 and a half hours! I should be paying you... uh, 75+75=150. I should be paying you at least RM 150... So i am real glad that you're willing to be my friend and teach me what you know. We should jam more often, dude. Today was fun! And, your magic tricks are wicked... You should have taught me that as well! LOL.

Listening to Why Won't You Die - System Of A Down.

So, after expressing my gratitude to an awesome friend/ mate/ teacher (sounds so old, lol), i feel much better. Hopefully when he reads this, he won't accuse me of lies. Because none of it were lies. I was being very, very honest. And i stayed up to tell him that. I wanted to post pictures of his cymbals here, but he wouldn't let me. He's afraid that someone would go to his house and steal his "object" babies. LMAO. His very expensive and nice babies, i might add. They sound so nice... Yes, anything on the net could happen... LOL. Jasher, don't be mad when you read this. I love your cymbals and i wish you would let me post them here! Or, i can just take a quick snap at them and you'll never know. The next thing you know, their image would be here. LOL.

Nah, i wouldn't be so evil. I'm a good person. At least, I'd like to think i am. No, i don't think i am.

Anyway, to sum it all up, i love the drumming/ jamming session and i wish it could happen soon and longer. I learned loads of stuff and the bonding between friends isn't harmful either. I hope Sue Xian and Nicole would be able to join us the next time. The sooner next time, i hope with all my heart.

Listening to Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's.

Busted's version of Year 3000 is better than the Jonas Brother's version. No kidding.

So, here it all ends. I shall blog soon, and i shall tweet even sooner. Apparently I'm becoming a twiiiiiiiiiiiter. -.- Not a very nice image i want for myself, but, whatever. I like who i am right now.

Babbling. Getting high with sleepiness. Gotta go real soon.

TTFN

Listening to I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance


~Jocelyn

Picture Zone

Well, currently, I'm just coolin' off at home. You know, stayin' up till late night and wakin' up late in the morning/ early noon. Nah, i ain't goin' to school no more. Nope, seriously, dude, you'd think i would go there and watch those movies/ waste my time? Uh, that would be a major no-no.

Reading Pendragon: The Pilgrims of Rayne. That book is hijacking all of my free time - well, most of it if I'm not sitting in front of here writing my stuff/ writing in my blog! I love it. I am officially in love with the Pendragon series - again!

Oh, I've finished Hunted, from The House of Night series. It's okay, if i do say so. I heard it was going to be made into a movie/ TV series, and i certainly hope so. Not because I'm crazily in love with the series, but because I'm anxious to see the characters come to life. For example, who will be Zoey, Stevie Rae, Aphrodite (lmao), Erik (yummy), Heath and so on. Get what i mean? I would like to see / know the casts.

Anyway, as oppose to the title for this entry, there are tons of pictures with me i would like to share. But mostly those pictures involve two gals who are crazily out of their heads - Lachelle, if you're reading this, i meant no offence, you know i don't, LMAO. Anyway, here it is.

Ta-da

-.-




Food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wearing my pj's during the web cam session. Gee.

This is in MS Garden. For those of you who don't know where it is - obviously if you don't know where it is then you're from out of town, so even if i explain it to you, you still wouldn't know where it is - MS Garden is a hotel which has a fancy restaurant, and it is right next to the mall.

Oh, just before i forget, i love deedlebag. I might have mentioned this once or twice, in the previous post... But anyways, i wanna say it again. I love deedlebag!

I like the fact that you can't see my eyes here. Muahahahaha *cough*

Okay, i gotta say, i adore my fringe. Is that how to spell fringe?



Now the pictures below are ancient. Well, strike that. These are not that ancient, considering that they were captured this year, mid of this year. Anyways, here they are. It's in ECM's Starbucks. ECM is a mall, by the way.

I think that's about it/ them. The pictures that i have with me, i mean. I gotta upload loads more from my camera but i couldn't seem to find the cable to connect it to my pc...

Anyway, I'm gonna blog more often nowadays thanks to my empty schedule. I dunno who's reading what i'm writing - maybe 1, 2, or none? - but i'm still gonna write anyway. I learn that sometimes, it's not good spreading the good news out to everyone when it's not confirmed yet. I learn that through the hard way and ended up getting my hopes crashed. But i'm gonna be smart now. I'm gonna keep them to myself and when the big thing finally drops, then i'm gonna speak about it - a little, if any. So toodles!

TTFN

~Jocelyn